New Year, Fresh Perspectives

Welcoming the New Year

Happy New Year to ALL! 2020 was a rough year. Okay, 2020 was toss it in the dumpster and burn it year. Clearly, many of us were happy to say goodbye to it with hopes for a better year. On New Years Eve night, I had this entire post written out about how far each of us has come in the past year. However,  just before it was to post at midnight, I stopped it. I didn’t think it took into account how grateful I was despite the craziness of the year, so I took it down. I didn’t want to be fake with you or negative in any way. Then it seemed like the world went a bit sideways, so it has taken me a bit to rewrite my post. What I really want to share with you are all the positives we experienced in 2020, despite all the hardship the world has endured this year. 

The challenges of virtual schooling three kids has definitely been a test of my patience and skill. I can still honestly say that I know I don't want to be a teacher anytime soon. Maybe it is because they are my own kids but I am just not that sure that it is for me. Teachers have a hard job. Add a pandemic to it and I am amazed they walk into the school building each morning knowing how little they are appreciated. Be kind to your teachers!

Over the summer, we made the decision to virtual school our kids. It was based on my health and that of my parents but also our wanting to protect them from this. What I see as the blessing of virtual school, is that I have had unlimited time to really see how my kids learn, function, socialize and think during school.

I have been able to see my kids grow and gain confidence in their work but also in themselves. I have seen them go from minimal skills to mastering them. I have seen them be kind and sadly, I have even seen them disappointed from failures or rejection. Yet even with those disappointments, we were able to have immediate discussions to help them work through it. Something I know wasn’t always happening at school. In seeing these weak points, I have been able to work with them to help make them into strengths. We may not be at mastery level but the fact that I can see and work on them is what counts. Especially those skill that school districts don’t see relevant when you have a child excelling. 

Socialization has been by far the biggest and most difficult challenge. I had to remind them how lucky we were that they weren’t an only child left with no one to hang with at home. We tried helping “N” build friendships but his inability to recall peoples names easily presents challenges. The fact that he isn’t playing games like Halo or Fortnite, didn’t make it any easier to relate. It’s really hard because he so desperately wants to connect. His awesome teacher set up a lunch hour with like minded kids that were also struggling and that has helped a great deal. He may not always remember their names but he enjoys the days he sits with them.

Since all they have are each other most day, I have been able to see my kids become friends. They aren't just siblings now, they share a stronger connection, a bond of friendship. In 2019, there was so much fighting and I was starting to assume that this was normal. Which in my house “normal’ can be tricky to gauge. Having this time has allowed me to really focus on how they speak to one another, listen to each other and play together. It isn't always perfect but I am no longer pulling them apart or screaming to get them to stop what seemed like every 10 seconds. That alone is a blessing.

Being home has helped reduce the  anxiety which once was off the charts in our house affecting one person or another. I use to always be worried about “N” and how when he went to school he would tear off his nails because he was so restricted from movement and stressed. I can’t say enough about what staying home has done for him. He really has started to mature and be his own advocate. I am glad that I get to be witness to this. He has taken to meditation and listens to his body more, allowing himself to seek out needed sensory relief and is starting to learn how to manage those internal demands. 

The twins both have really done well with virtual too. They have learned a lot. EMC has managed to learn how to be self sufficient and it has really boosted her confidence. She feels like a little teacher herself. She misses her friends but has adapted well to Zooming with her friends and always looks forward to making new ones.EEC took a few months to adapt to teachers but is doing well so long as his schedule doesn't get interrupted. He to finally starting to show us that he is more then capable of learning to read and has more then a handful of words memorized. It's huge!

Grateful that my father is a fighter and that he is still with us today. He turned 80 this past November and though COVID-19 has done it's best to keep us apart, we were able to wish him a happy birthday (at a social distance) and watch him blow out his candles.  He is our everything and we were so happy to do it. To have spent that time with him regardless of how we did or didn't get to do it. Find a way to safely show your loved ones you care. It's all that matters. All our time is borrowed on this planet, spend it cautiously and wisely but do not squander it away.

I pray that this illness gets under control and that people can really start seeing others through compassionate eyes, as fellow inhabitants, peers on this wonderful planet. Let’s take care of one another. After all, we get but one life.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Happy Thanksgiving 2020

Thanksgiving was a bit weird this year. Clearly Covid-19 put a kink in our usual holiday plans but we made the best of it. Adding to the holiday dilemmas, Dads birthday was on Thanksgiving this year and because of the virus we had to find other ways to celebrate safely. We all stayed home. 

After having dinners apart from extended family for the first time in years, we met up, masks on, went and wished Papa a happy 80th birthday. We hung out in and out of the garage, lawn chairs about, kids running everywhere and eventually sang him "Happy Birthday." Maybe we didn't adhere to all the CDC recommendations but we tried our best.

It was something we all needed to do today. To remind ourselves why we all had something or someone to be thankful for. Even though things didn't go perfectly,  it was as good as I usually expect things to go. My kids go nuts when they see their cousins, people get anxious and E gets fixated on something, today it was cupcakes, which ended with him getting scolded for poor choices. And this only happened within the first 20 minutes of our being there.

Despite the chaos, I was glad that we could have that family moment. My kids needed it and I think others did too. I know my dad was happy to be surrounded by us all, even if it was at a distance and masked. To me, these masks are now ant act of kindness and love. 

If you did get out with family and friends, I hope that you were able to do it safely. With all that was lost this year, it is my hope that we all did our best to keep things in perspective and realize how fortunate we are to be alive, especially now.

Be grateful, while also being considerate of those around you. We don't live in a bubble, though these days I try my best to. Do your part in helping the nation get through this pandemic. Feel good about yourself through caring for others. 

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

This Says it All!

I mean this says it all. My eldest shared his thoughts with me, handing over his journal for me to read with a smile. I was expecting something funny. He is comical in his writing despite the topic.

N is a huge hugger, always has been. For the longest time we did everything possible to keep him from hugging strangers or attacking people he knew and loved with hanging hugs (That's when a child jumps at you for a hug but doesn't quite get caught and slides down as he breaks your back.) with COVID-19 being what it is and all the restrictions of personal contact, which he is to my surprise following, he clearly misses "HUGS".

So if your lucky and you get the chance to hug someone you've been missing and feel the joy of their warm hugs, bask in it. I myself have never been one for long hugs but if given the chance, I might linger a bit all the while remembering there is a kid who really misses hugging EVERYONE.

Please continue to be safe and as my daughter says "Protect the old people." Let us be mindful of our choices and how it could potentially affect others. Praying the world can soon hug without so much worry. Virtual hugs 🤗 for all!

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Virtual School Check-in

This is just a check-in since I have been doing a poor job of sharing my experiences lately. Not for nothing but it has been an adjustment that requires a great deal of my attention. The kids are doing well and trying hard to adjust to all the change of the last few months. With virtual school in its 5th week here, we are slowly finding our rhythm. 

We started off strong, excited about the opportunity to do school at home and I was super great at my new job. They were dressed for success. Happily taking pictures in their new Covid-19 virtual Classroom. Then things changed. They logged in.

                  

     

First, I had to completely separate them. They are all at different levels and schedules. Each other’s class was interfering with the others. They would get distracted easily and run over to each other’s computers to see what they were listening to or just try to be funny on camera. I have children that think they are clowns sometimes. 

 

We have had a few moments when the kids fell out. When I say fell out I mean tears.  My daughter who is only now just getting into virtual wasn’t really enjoying virtual like she should at the start. She would be on the floor under the kitchen table, crying or slumped over the table agonizing over her classwork. When the school was doing assessments, she would just scream “I’m so dumb!” It infuriated the both of us. She got through it but not without a huge pep talk from me. Then they decided it would be a great idea to continue the idea that awards for being robots were good and she had another meltdown. That required another pep talk but this time from her aunt (Titi) who made everything better.  Starring at an iPad has never been so boring for a child. N is doing his best so far. He has really showed me that Homeschooling really is for him. He has way less anxiety and remains more focused with less distractions because he is allowed so many breaks.  My only concern would be the lack of social emotional experiences being permitted throughout ZOOM classes.

If it’s challenging for my daughter who is “Nuero Typical” then it is much harder for EE and frankly for me too. Keeping track of three different time schedules at home for the kids has its problems. Jumping from one kid to another can be exhausting as well. Then add in the at home therapy supports and I’m spent. Getting EE to sit and maintain focus sometimes feels like I am the Wring Master in the Circus. “Come  one, come ALL!” Constantly calling a child back to the table to work independently or online. He HATES writing. Always the onion, this has raised some more questions to why he hates it so. Is it just not preferred or is there an underlying issue. It is his hand strength or is it neurological. So that’s in the works. 😩 

The zoom classes can overstimulate him and leave me wrangling him back to his chair like a lion tamer. Issuing demands and threats of “X’s” on his Response Cost System card. Which has been working. Well enough to add some rewards but not enough to have a entire day without having lost anything. The related arts classes have been the worst especially PE, leaving me with a wired child. Having had his first IEP now, we have opted out of live participation’s, allotted for more breaks with some sensory input, and widened the time frame things are do. I am way more concerned about the academics at this point and  though I know he enjoyed it in related arts person, it’s just not the same the way they are doing it virtually. So I am not upset about opting out of related arts for him. Reading, writing and Math are key goals for us.  

From here we will see how things progress. Two and half months in and we are starting to find our groove. I just hope that we all manage to find away to do this and truly gain versus regress in our learning. If you are a parent that has chosen virtual for your child(ren) I hope that you are doing well and managing. Remember this is all a new challenge for so many. Communicate often with your child’s teacher/(s) and seek help if and when you need it. Teachers want to help and they also need to know that they are supported. Create an alliance and work together. Have confidence that the best you can do, is good enough and that they will pick up where you can not. After all, most of us are not teachers but we are parents doing the best we can to protect and support our children during these unprecedented times. So talk to the teachers, it’s been a great help for us to know that we are supported in that way. 

Please feel free to share with me how you are managing during this pandemic and virtual homeschooling. I would love to hear from you. I pray you all are staying safe and making the best of this time together. Be kind and love one one another. 😷 

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Seven, I can’t believe it!

Lucky Seventh Birthday-🎂🎂👧👦

I want to say that yesterday was an easy day and all went perfect. That there was no fighting, arguing or refereeing. I’d like to tell you that but I can’t. What I can tell you is that my kids had a great day. It was their birthday. They are officially 7 years old. Seven. I can’t believe it.

We have come so far in the last seven years. When they were born, I recall how worried I was for them in the NICU, praying on when I could take them home. Now, I look at them and though I still worry about them, they have come so far, strong and confident kids. 

Together they have taken leaps and bounds, plus a few falls along the way too.  I see how they encourage one another and how they use their “Spidie twin” senses and come to one another for comfort, support or to just check in. To show growth, this was the first time my son didn’t bite into the cake this year before us serving him a slice.

My husband and I are grateful for family and friends that reached out with special messages of love and celebration. Additional thanks to those of you that sent gifts even when we said you didn’t have to. (When I say “we” I mean me because they would never say that.) It made the day all the more special for them. Plus, they made out like bandits this year. COVID-19 birthday guilt I guess. 

No party, no problem. We zoomed family and friends in for cake time. For the kids, it felt like we were all really present. Yes, the singing was out of tune and delayed (Oh wait, that’s typical for us)  but the true meaning of it all was there...a celebration of life. Two lives in this case.

My wish would have been that my parents could have been with us in person. Not going to get many more birthdays with my dad. I hate to say it, to even think it, but it is true. To them, it was like having them in the room, so I guess that counts for something.

You can see the far stare that my son has. He has had some challenging times that he is working through. We all are doing our best to help and love him through it. He may not be smiling as often these days, but I promise, we are doing are absolute best to get to the other side of ALL of this to see him smile regularly again. For now, his sister has his back. Literally. 

Thank you all for you best wishes. It was just what they needed to boost their spirits during this difficult time at home. Please leave me a comment and let me know how you are sharing time with your family. We would love to hear from you. 

I pray you all are staying safe and making the best of this time together.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!