Wake up!!

WHACK!! Good Morning!?

Please God!! Can you please tell me why my 5 year old son thought that it would be a great idea to wake me up this morning with a remote to my head? My face to be specific.

He could of walked over,  gently touched me and said “Can I watch tv Mama?” He could of just stood there staring at me like his sister does. Creepy, I know but I always wake up a bit startled so it clearly works. So with those options, why on earth did he think it would be a good idea to wack me with the remote and then ask me to watch tv?!

It is this behavior that leaves his father and I wondering will he ever grow out of this impulsivity and poor behavior or will I have to sleep with one eye open the rest of my life?  It is startling how rough he can get with us, especially with me. We could be having fun and then suddenly something or someone will set him off and out of no where he punches or slams into you.

Just the day before I took him to the store and from the start he was being difficult. In an effort to control I wanted to place him in the cart. I get things done faster and he can’t run away. He screams so loud an old man corrected him. I remind him of the rules and tell him we could leave now if he behaves like that. So he’s good the rest of the time. Listens and stays put.

Then came check out time. He wanted to play with the belt at check out. Immediately I see he has created this story line with the belt and an item that we still have yet to ring up. He tells me the Keifer shake was his boat, the belt was the water and I couldn’t take it. I respond to him that he has to let it go so that the lady may do her job and mama can pay. This set him off. As I am handing the item  to the cashier, he punches me in the face. Bad boyfriend style, right on the cheek and as I felt the fire come to my face, then he pulled my hair. The cashier gasps, the lady behind me tusk, tusks me  and I just hold his hands off as I try to check out. Now he is screaming as loud as he can. It was embarrassing and frustrating. I felt so judged and even helpless  as a parent. I can’t control him, nor does he want to be controlled.

For the past two years, every day presents a challenges.  There are those days that feel like a remote to the head. It is physically exhausting, can be emotionally draining and often I’m the one walking away hurt. I withdraw when he gets like this. I don’t want to risk subjecting someone else to his outbursts.  I know not taking him to places is a bad thing but it out ways my other options... most days.

Loving him is never a question. I will always love him, fight for him and never give up on him. Some days it is hard to feel like a good mom and do right by him. He, like my other two kids has a piece of my heart. I don’t often cry but for my kids, I will.  I worry often about how they will get treated or how others treat them. Especially the boys because they’re so unique.

 So the day that I’m feeing like I’m writing a roller coaster or when that day turns into a week or month, I just breathe, and then I remember to breathe again. Someone will remind me I am a good mom. One of  my kids will say something like “oh mama, I’m sorry you’re having a rough day. We love you.”  Despite the melt downs, whining and fighting, I’m reminded that they are impresionable little beings depending on me to show them how to become good human beings. That this is a moment in time that can be a learning moment for all. That they are smart and capable of so much. That all of this is worth it if he learns just a little bit more then the day before. Each daily struggle gets him one step closer to the man I pray he will one day be.

So we breathe again, all of us to find our calm. We go silent for that moment and we begin anew .

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

Autism Island

I absolutely understand where dad, Shane, is coming from when he spoke out on Facebook about his sons forced isolation.  Isn't this just another form of bullying? Maybe, maybe not. Every kid certainly has the right to invite who they want to their own party. But...

My now almost 7 year old son was invited to only one party last year and before that none, other then family functions. No invites for him this year either. Does he think about it? Not really, until he hears the kids talking about a party coming up or one he missed. Then it's an hour long conversation about how there is nothing wrong with him, some kids just don't realize how special he is or that not everyone is meant to get along.  I have seen kids be treated badly because they are  "different". We can't put the blame on children alone, I know that the parents have a lot to do with this. I have seen parents give me looks or directly make comments about my youngest son and MY parenting skills. One woman told me not to bring my son to play dates anymore with his sister. She just felt it was "too much to deal with" for her and that it would be "calmer if he wasn't there". Needless to say, I deleted her number from my phone but only after telling her a few choice words.

Instead of passing judgment, parents should take these opportunities to teach their kids about something outside their own personal box. Different isn't a bad thing. Trust me, I know it is impossible to live in a world where we all get along. Personally, I know I am may not get along with all my neighbors but I am not going to treat them badly because we may see things differently. I will continue to be courteous.  I certainly would never exclude a neighbors child from one of our parties simply because I don't like the parent(s).  I'm not asking that parents force their child to be best friends with mine or have them over all the time. I'm not conducting a social experiment with my kid. It's just a small moment in their lives to show acceptance and understanding amongst their peers rather then being out casted to Autism Island.

Both my boys have the sweetest hearts and our unbelievably loyal, they just happen to have Autism. People that make the choice to exclude them are missing out on a teachable moment for their kids. For themselves as well. Yes, they have difficulty sitting still, they talk too much, too loud, or do not speak at all. Yes, they may not acknowledge you when you address them right away or at all but there are ways to help them participate. Leave it up to us the parents to navigate them through that social experience. They just need to be given the opportunity. You the parents of the "Typical" kids could teach your child kindness, patience and understanding.

Shakespeare wrote "If we’re like you in everything else, we’ll resemble you in that respect." It is simply paraphrasing the Golden Rule but in the story, The Merchant of Venice,  it speaks of the negative aspect of treating others badly and its chain reaction. So I have found that connecting with other like minded parents works best for us. We may not all be best friends either, not all of them have kids with Autism but what they do have are kind and open hearts and their kids share those qualities with mine. Acceptance is a hard thing to find in this world but that falls on us.

In the end, isn't that what we want for all of our kids, to be kind and accepting of others, so that others may be kind and accepting of them, no matter how different they are?


We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!



To learn more about The Life of Reilly click the link.

Kudos to Reilly's mom, Christine and especially dad, Shane, for saying what so many of us often feel needs to be said. Keep up the great work in teaching us all.  And to Reilly, who unknowingly is teaching the world with out saying a word.