Let kids be kids

So last night I was listening in to a conversation my eldest son and daughter were having about their brother. They were debating on why E likes to win so much and why we should or shouldn’t let him win all the time. Here’s just a bit of how it went.

N: I don’t think E has to win all the time because I like to win too. I don’t have to let him win.

EMC: N, you have to understand that E has Autism and he doesn’t understand yet how to control himself. His Autism makes it hard for him. He likes to win and gets angry if you don’t let him. He likes to play tricks. That’s his way of having fun. That’s why when he races he says “look behind you there’s a monster.” He just wants to play his way.

N: Well I don’t see why we have to play his way, I like to win. I don’t have to let him.

EMC: It is okay to lose N. That’s how you learn to try harder.

N: Then why don’t we let him lose? ANd why do you cry when you lose.

EMC: No one likes to lose. That’s why I get sad N. But when E loses he gets angry and hits because he has (Emphasis on) AUTISM and he has to learn. He doesn’t understand.

The way my daughter expressed herself was amazing and her mannerisms were classic “New Yorker”  just like her mom.  In any case, the conversation started to go in a loop both claiming they are right in their argument. Hearing how it was going  both valid arguments, my husband and I intervened attempting to assist them both come to so resolution so they can get to bed.

Technically, we can’t always win and it isn’t fair to always LET the other person win. So N was right about that. There is a great lesson to be learned when you lose. It can be the motivating force for you to try harder. Something we tell our kids all the time.  However, it is kind to let the other person think they have won in an effort to prevent or appease that person and not cause distress on them. Especially, when that person is still learning how to play socially.

Lord knows, we had stopped our game nights because E just blows up or can’t wait his turn being so impulsive. He needs to be in control. I’m thinking it is now time to start them back and walk him through the process, social expectations, win or lose. While also teaching the other kids that it is better to practice patience and understanding then to feel as though you have surrendered yourself up to someone else’s wants or wishes. Kindness is the most important lesson for ALL three to take away from this conversation and future play.

So this brought up the question, is it okay for my daughter to let her brother win for the benefit of keeping him happy? She thinks she is helping him learn how to play.  Or is my son right, that it is better to play fair, win or lose? Share your thoughts with me on how you handle a young child who is just learning to play and accepting losses.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Check out day

  

It was our last day and we planned to make the best of it. The night before we told the kids the plan. As soon as we woke up we were to get in our beach where and head out to the beach for one hour followed by the pool for another hour. This would give us enough time to go back to room, wash up and clear out. Plan ago. We were up early, as usual, so we headed out to the beach as planned with the kids and sand buckets. 

Things were going well. The beach was fairly empty still and the kids were having great fun. E had seemed to learn to stay closer to the shore line after a wave toppled him over yesterday. He mostly played with the sand trying to build a mote. N was flopping around in the water still looking for shells, lava rocks and bits or coral. My daughter was in her glory playing with two little babies digging in the sand. Everything was calm and all appeared to be happy.

Then, without warning E took off down the beach. I called for him to turn back but he didn’t listen. He just kept running following the shore line, so at this point I now had to become an Olympic sprinter and start after him. Gosh, it is terribly difficult running in sand and my feet are torn up from all the broken seashells I stepped on during the chase. Finally, I grab him. Thankfully, he gets to close to the water and a wave hits him and slows him down. After I catch my breath, while still holding him, I ask him “Why did you run away?” He just looked at me and laughed “I was going on an adventure.” I began to tell him about the dangers of running into the ocean alone. That he doesn’t know how to swim and if something happened maybe we wouldn’t be able to help him. I asked him “what happens if you go in the water and you can’t swim? He replied “I would drown.”  So he gets it but why he doesn’t follow the rules is beyond me. My husband says he is fearless and it’s true but he is also wreck-less. Then again, he is only 6. We left the beach after this. I was done.

As I played in the pool with the kids, I thought about what could have set him off on his run. He doesn’t like the sand feeling, the birds were flying over, the crowd was starting to grow and there were more voices near by, the crashing of the waves, the wind was blowing and his sister was screeching.  That couldn’t of been it because he said he was “going on an adventure.” He may possibly have an ear infection again, those often make him unsettled. Or maybe he just felt like running. Though he is improving, E’s explications are never solid, so I may never know.

I see parents lounging back on beach chairs and their kids playing nice on the beach. Staying close or

Sprinting position

constantly checking in while their parents read or close their eyes. Their is a trust their and a level of comfort we do not have with our kids. I was able to do it with N and EM more this trip but E just kept me up on guard. Seeing this often makes me question the type of parent I am. Maybe I’m not as good as those parents. That I’m not doing something right. Then I brush away those negative thoughts and move on. I watched as he played in the sand. He was content but always looked like he was prepared to sprint off at any given moment. Which he did end up doing. It must be nice to sit back like that, enjoy the sounds of the beach and just be in a relaxed state. Those parents don’t realize how lucky they are to have those moments come easy. I long for that day. I believe it will come but with a great deal of hard work on our end. Well worth it if we can get him their.

There were a few outbursts in the car and likely from being locked down for so long. Despite some of the stresses of the trip, overall, we had a great trip. The kids were happy and we were happy to give them this experience. The more we expose them to things, the better their chances are of having a full and happy life that prepares them for the real world because the real world is rough.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

A full day, play by play

This morning started off with great calm. First E woke up but still wanted to cuddle which was fine with me as it bought me a few more minutes of sleep. Much needed rest since I stayed up most of the night worried he would wake up and "explore" his way out of the room.

We headed out to eat which was surprisingly not a disaster. I am not sure if the coffee drop I gave him helped him relax and enjoy or if it was still early and we sat far back in the restaurant where it was less noisy. Either way, he sat ate some of his meal without raising a fuss. N just kept reading so we had to constantly remind him to eat. Only towards the end when we all were wrapping up did E start to get a bit difficult. Fortunately, it was just as we were getting ready to leave so that saved us from public scrutiny.

After breakfast, we went to the beach, which was nice for the kids. I am not sure I handle the beach well at all. Actually, I am positive I didn’t but with good reason, I think. My husband and I disagree here. I feel it is important to teach basic rules first and then we can explore extending those rules. For instance, I believe it is important that E be aware of the dangers that the beach presents and the importance of NEVER going into the water past his ankles because he can’t swim and can easily be slept away. Also, if he understands these rules as Gods word, then my hope is that if he ever finds himself alone near a body of water, he will not enter it with out his grownup. On the other hand my husband believes that I should let him have fun as he inches his way past the acceptable zone just because he is present and allows E to set the limits. If I wasn’t there, I am sure he would have been further out. I should note that my husband can barely swim, so having him on swim guard is a bit unnerving.  An adventurer himself, he forgets about the dangers or the importance of rules and structure for a child like E. Either way I was stressed. N kept asking me if I was OK which made me feel even worse. I wanted to have fun with them, it was just hard.

Then they were supposedly going to the playground but E hoodwinked my husband and took his chance and ran (Dad gives E way to much space between them), E proceeded to run up a twenty foot staircase to go down a slide I forbid him from doing. Then when I tell them both that I saw what happened, my husband tells E, “I told you that we would get in trouble.” That didn’t seem very supportive but I guess someone had to be the bad guy. My husband does try and I know he is just trying to be the best dad he knows how to be. I just wish he would really hear me when I express my worries and concerns in situations like this.  I’m sure he has a few choice complaints about me as well. In any case, I tried to push through though under my breathe I did say a few choice words to my husband, who I think desperately wishes I was a bit easier to deal with too.

After a short break in the hotel room for lunch, the kids wanted some TCBY. We wanted to see them enjoying themselves and needed to get out of the room so we went. All three were wonderful. They picked their flavors and sat , most of the time. My daughter was wiggly but ate with out being told. E was overjoyed but became fixated on where the man went that served the ice cream. At this point, he started searching the TCBY for him. Wanting to go behind the counter.  So that was small, but we easily redirected him and were able to get out with no issues.

Ripleys - E was in no mood for pictures

Then against MY better judgment, we went to Ripley's Believe it or Not. Honestly, I was going to divide the kids up at this point but E wanted to go. I hated the idea of leaving him out in the first place, so I said we would try it. Worst thing is we would have to leave. Actually, the worst thing would be us tossed out for E breaking something but I was hopeful he wouldn’t.

Things started off wrong right from the start. E wants space. He rarely likes to hold hands. Often I am tugging him back or running after him. He refuses to where a harness so the moment I tugged him and reminded him to stay close or to stop trying to put things in his mouth, he screamed as if Lucifer himself had shown up. I gave him some space while cornering him off waiting for calm and speaking to him with a gentle voice, reassuring him that we were going to go in. Once in, I tried not to restrain him to much but stay close. Dad did his job in monitoring E while I tended to the other kids. E always looked for me when he wanted me to see something but I don’t think he would have called for me if he was lost in the crowd. He was like a pinball, bouncing from one exhibit to the next. The stress was elevating for all of us and I could see he was excited. Excitement often leads to unpredictable behaviors. We are still working on expressing excitement.

Ripley's was over and I was relieved. As we walked back down the stairs, it led us to....an

Of course it’s an alien game

ARCADE!! Oh the horror. Forget the spooky Oddities they had, this felt like a nightmare. Immediately, the chase was on. It was “Oh, can I do this one?” as he ran from us to do it. My loving husband, who wants to see his kids happy said yes before I had a chance to reply to the request. I could have done without the running around but the kids did OK for a bit.  My daughter was a champion player  on the nerf game and even beat her big brother a few times. It wasn’t until the money ran out that E had a full on meltdown. First sitting on the floor staking his claim to the game he didn’t get to play. Here it became a challenge for me. Usually, I try to remain calm as strangers with their judging eyes glare at us but this is often anxiety inducing. I get down to his eye level but he turns from me. Pro move. Then I touch his arm and he screams as if I was trying to abduct him. He starts hitting and tried to bite me. Now I’m having hot flashes and tell him, “I’m sorry E but we are done. I have no more money to spend here. Enough!”

He walks out only to sit outside and protest a bit more. I tell him that “we can go home now if he likes or we can do one more day of vacation. those were his options. that he needed to help us help him calm down.” He sat frustrated but eventually surrendered, gave me a kiss and held my hand down the steps. Then told me “I don’t want you, I want daddy”, i replied, “If you want daddy right now, that is okay with me.” And he walked over to his dad, held hands and got in the car easy. We went back to the hotel where he soon after fell asleep next to his daddy. It was a long day for him.

As the twins slept, I took the time to go shell hunting alone with N. It was so great to be out on the beach with the calming sound of the ocean,  now able to enjoy my oldest son in his element, exploring nature. We talked for two hours and I even let him have chocolate cake at 9 pm. Wild fun! Haha!

We hit a few rough batches today but over all, it was a good day.

We are blessed for sure. With love and dedication anything is possible!

Ask and you shall receive

Remember how a couple of posts back I was joking about needing to get away. Well, ask and you shall receive. My husband surprised me with an impromptu vacation. It’s really more like a trip because of the time constraints and because a vacation for me would be without the kids. 

Traveling with the kids is rough. First they never stop asking the famous “Are we there yet?” They NEVER go to the bathroom at the same time, and one wants the radio on while the other wants it off. It’s too cold, It’s too hot. I think you get it. My daughter loves to sing in a high pitch operatic voice that reminds me of the movie where Meryl Streep portrays a woman described as the worst opera singer of all time. Now, don’t get me wrong, when my daughter sings in her normal sweet voice, she sounds like an angel. Lately, I think she has been exploring pitch and she is way high, to the point of piercing. As I write this, she is testing out her sounds. Fun! Do we discourage this? No. I want her to sing even if she sometimes hits a sour note or two. It’s my reminder that she is happy and that my ears are functioning. 

Finally, we made it to Myrtle Beach but still had another 30 minutes to get our hotel. So we took the kids to to a great little park called Savannah’s Playground to burn off some energy. It had your typical playground equipment but other cool stuff. Most importantly it had a six foot fence around it. It’s probably one of the first parks I ever felt comfortable going to. It had some really cool slides and a zip line for the kids. The kids loved it. E was in his element. The park is known as a great sensory park for special needs kids but is open for all. And then...

We went to the hotel where E went nuts. The kids were already excited about being at the beach and that the hotel had its own water park. E was over-the-top. His enthusiasm could not be contained. He was opening and slamming draws and cabinet doors. Screaming with joy because the hotel room had it’s own spoons and toaster. So as we changed clothes for the water park, I began to realize that this could potentially go south fast but I wanted to be optimistic and have fun. My goal was to be calm mom and not get anxious. We were fine up until we walked on to the water park grounds. The minute he saw the giant slide his eyes opened wide as did mine but for very different reasons. He was thinking that thing is going to be amazing. My thoughts were more along the lines of this 20 foot slide is going to be the cause of my aneurysm. I chased up the later with him and tried to seem excited. When we reached the top I was still hopeful that the man would tell us your too short. Took the measurements and I wasn’t so lucky. E sits on the slide and pushes himself. Sitting up instead of laying flat on his back, he takes the first curve and nearly flips out of the tube. Then he is flipped backwards and I saw a glimmer of panic in his eye but he hits another turn, where he flips again and it turns him around, then splash. He loves it! Meanwhile I am a horrible anxious mess thinking that I could have lost him on that first curve. He didn’t care, he wanted to do it again.

So needless to say I am extremely stressed out at this point. I figure if we could just get him in the pool and keep him there, I might be able to salvage this trip. N keeps swimming over to me to check on me because he “Don’t like how your face looks right now Mama. I’m worried for you.” I try to reassure him, but I know he is right. Because what I was feeling was straight anxiety over lack of control. Truthfully, it was my lack of control over E. I could see the park was having its affects on him. When my husband held his hand to get his attention and remind him of the rules. His legs looked like they want to leave his body and walk away with out him. He was on sensory overload. I knew I needed to get him in a quiet place but he was also trying to have his best version of fun. It just involved him running in and out of pool or at some points, jumping into shallow pools including a jacuzzi. I was so done. I wanted to scream DONE and leave. Not an option, I still had the other two who were having fun. So I stuck with it with the hopes that eventually he would even out and he did.

We finally got to a place where we were all in the same place and wanted to stay there. From there I started to feel my chest relax and i was able to take control of my breathes again. Though the start was challenging, it ended on a high note. Not to say that anxiety isn't the captain of my ship, it is still in control. While he sleeps all I can think about is how to keep him from the balcony or oven, I might then be able to go to sleep.

Still a day and a half to go, so lets see what tomorrow brings. For now, we are all curled up, and i’m Doing my best to appreciate the good parts of the day.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Is Sensory creating the behaviors?

On my last post I shared that my son E had a rough day. Everything was off about him and it seemed like everything was sending him on a tail spin. I mentioned that his OT had the look of being “Done” with him and I was right. This week was his last week with her. Allow me to share with you what happened.

E went to OT this Tuesday after last week kicking the OT in the mouth. I was prepared for her to tell me she was done with him. Thankfully she gave him another opportunity but not after speaking to me and letting me know her thoughts. The OT believes that E is not in control of himself. That his hyperactivity and a few extra undiagnosed labels, tossed in for good measure, OCD, ODD were getting in the way of his completing tasks. I know he has hyperactivity. That his mind and body are constantly moving but I just felt there was something more. Yes, his “Want” is a factor but was she looking at WHY it was playing such a role in his life. 

My thinking is that E is overstimulated in the OT environment. That he is in this small room with people coming in and out, the phone ringing, bins of toys that he can see what is inside, the parents outside in the waiting area with other children making noise, the door opening and closing, smells of an old house, etc. I share my thoughts with her and she gives him one last try. When his session was over she calls me in.

The OT begins to tell me that she sees E get frustrated and that she too gets frustrated because she can’t help him. He doesn’t do the work because he is hyper focused on other things. That he is constantly moving and that when she tried to force him to do work, he bit her leg. She told me she would no longer work with him until he is regulated on medication. UGH! Told you she was done. 

In any case, she proceeds to tell me why she can’t help him and that she is sorry but for the safety of herself and other kids she would have to pause care until he is medicated. Then tells me I should call the doctor and tell them it’s urgent despite my having an appointment already scheduled for mid August. I sign the second incident report and head home. 

He’s upset because I told him that he was not allowed to return anymore because he hurt her again. E kept saying “I will make it right, Mama” but I knew despite his wanting to, that he couldn’t. She was right about one thing, he was out of control but I don’t think it was just hyperactivity or any of those other things she added. Part of the reason we went to her was to address his sensory needs but she never focused on that. She wanted him to sit and do work. 

I’ve been reading this book called “Beyond Behavior” by Dr. Mona Delahooke and so much of the book sounds as though it was written about E. My son has his days and often I know that either his siblings or the world is setting him up for the kind of day he will have. Alone in his safe space, he is your typical kid. Shows no “behaviors” is kind, gentle and funny.  What if like the books says, the behaviors are just a symptom of what he is feeling. For example, E was having a great day until things started to change in his world. Add one sibling and he tends to be a bit louder but still good. Add say the TV and he becomes a bit jumpy. Then add the other sibling, specifically the brother with Autism and the clashing begins. Add my talking on the phone and the demands or climbing kick in. All those additions to his day lead to an off day because the world he is most comfortable in is ever changing.

What if every reaction E has, is a way of him comping with what goes on around him. I know that when I am uncomfortable, I often make inappropriate or corny jokes to hide how I feel. But it only makes it more awkward sometimes. What if his aggressive behaviors are simply a response to how he  is feeling? I’m still reading but it goes along with what I have been saying for the past two years, that it seems like something more is setting him off and that it is almost like a response to something. 

We have an appointment coming up with his Behavior Pediatrician soon and I will address this with her when we meet. I am excited about this because I feel like now that I know this is a possible answer,  that maybe I can help him and the world can see him one day the way I do.  

I’m going to keep reading and educating myself for the sake of my children. I am not looking to change them but to help them. I will keep working with them to find what works. I highly recommend the book for any parent who has an autistic child with Maladaptive behaviors and feels like their is something more to just unpreferred behaviors.  It’s just a tool to help raise discussions with doctors and therapists. The search for answers continues...

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Endless battles

Today has been a rough day. The entire summer has been difficult. I’m tired and we are only a few weeks into the summer. I’m just trying to keep the kids busy. Show them a fun summer but E, well, he can be a lot. He requires me present every second of the day not because he actually wants me present but because I can’t trust to leave him for long. He’s high energy and impulsive which is a recipe for trouble.

It started this am with E wanting to watch TV. We didn’t want him to start morning off that way, especially not with the show he was looking to watch. Now the show itself isn’t bad, it’s just that it does something to him. He responds negatively to it. It hypes him up even more than normal and he starts jumping and climbing things. Sometimes I leave him watching tv for a minute or two when I have to go to the bathroom and I find him spinning out of control while laughing. It looks like a happy insane person. I immediately turn tv off and that turns into another outburst. That was this am.

Then we had to battle it out just to get E out the door to go to school for Extended School Year work. You’d think that asking him to put his shoes on is comparable to me putting him in a pit of snakes. He just didn’t want to do it and acted as such.

Finally, we made it to the school and E proceeded to run from teacher into the playground and do what he wanted not what was needed of him. Generally, I like to pick my battles with him and address but I tagged the teacher in. When he wasn’t listening to her, I had to do the count down from 5 and issue the threat of consequence. Today the consequence would be that he would not be able to do camping in the yard. He ran back into the classroom. He was now with his teacher and I would get sort of a breather for about an hour. At least it should feel this way, I spent the time running an errand with the other two kids and worrying about whether or not E was spinning out of control. The teacher later shares with me that he was “High energy” but managed to get all his work done today. A huge relief for me but I knew that this “High energy” was coming home with me and the day was only half-way done. As we try to walk him to the car, E decides he wants to have a picnic, tosses his snack over into the fenced playground area, climbs the fence to retrieve it, opens it and laughs. I mean, he found a way to get back into the playground and get what he wanted. Dumb he is not. Did I yell? Nope just told him he was loosing his camping adventure for that choice. He came running to car.

We get home and I have to prep the house for speech. Thankfully, the speech therapist canceled, vacation, so that was a huge break. For a moment I actually thought about how nice it would be to go on a vacation. Then my day dreaming about a vacation was taken over by anxious thoughts of my child misbehaving or making poor, impulsive decisions that would lead him to flying off a balcony or into the ocean. So there’s goes that....but I will leave my thoughts on my anxiety for another day because the days running around isn’t done yet.

Last part of this day is Occupational Therapy for E. I already was dealing with his “High energy” and also dealing with some really bad choice making. Punching his brother, biting his shirts and food refusal. Now we were off to OT and I was hoping all would go well. He seemed quiet in the car and went in without any issues. The room he was in was silent. Things seemed to be going well for him and the therapist. It’s 4 o’clock, it’s over. He did well. Then I walk in the room, therapist asks him to put the item away and show me what he completed today. E proceeds to scream and kick that he wasn’t finished. While holding him back, she tells me what she is trying to get him to do. He catches her off guard and 1,2, PUNCH! She quickly and quietly walked past me holding her mouth and the look in her eyes said “I’m done!” She didn’t return and though I was worried about her, I knew we needed to leave. I’ll wait and see what the OT says. Wouldn’t be the first OT to let him go. I needed to get him calm, so I did I spoke to him with a firm and direct voice. He said “I’m sorry, I will make it right Mama.” The calm lasted about 2 minutes. He was in the hall and mad again because he WANTED to play. I drag him out, sit him down, and wait for him to be calm again.  We walk to the car and he is enraged again. I wait...I buckle him up and go.

Now E’s trying to get out of his seat-belt and I am reminded that I need a better car seat for him, a better car to go with it. I feel that pain I get in my throat just before I am about to burst out into tears. I know I am not the only parent going through something similar. The only bonus is that he hasn’t bitten anyone today. He gets unbuckled and then I have to stop car and address it.

Make a quick stop at my parents to pick something up. Now E wants to get out. But I just want to run in. While I do that, he is punching his siblings. I don’t fight, I wait him out. He knows what he is doing is wrong. I know he does. The thing is, he’s improved. He was much worse a few months back. I’m just not sure what else I can possibly do to help him with these endless battles. My only hope is that he now shows remorse. That’s progress.

Then we get home. I’m watching him right now playing with his sister and brother. E is doing such a great job and so full of joy. He’s happy despite it all. Oblivious to all that he puts us through. I love him and I just want to help him reach his potential while meeting the expectations of the world. Problem is, I don’t think the world is ready for him because of their expectations.  I have faith and confidence in him that he will get there. It is just going to take him a little more time.

And that was just this Wednesday.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Enter the World of Meds

Not to long ago, we succumb to the idea that our son may need a little more help when it came to self control and impulsivity. We had done so much with Behavioral Therapy in hopes that it would help curve some of his maladaptive behaviors but then Early Autism Project just dropped him. The same therapy that is meant to work with and improve those behaviors, used his behavior as their excuse. It was repulsive really but while we were in search of a new ABA provider, we knew something needed to be done to keep him and others safe. Enter the world of Meds.

We met with his Behavior Pediatrician and discussed our  medication options. You may recall me discussing this in one of my other posts. I had genuine concerns about how the medication/s would affect him. My worry is that he could get worse, that the medications could mess around with his young developing mind or that it could be lethal. All reasonable thoughts and concerns. These medications are all stimulants and he is only five years old my feelings were legitimate.

The key for us is that he has a wonderful Behavioral Pediatrician who heard my concerns and understood E’s situation. She knew he was a very bright boy with a vivid imagination who often had sensory and major impulsivity issues that presented poor choice making and sometimes extreme aggression. I wanted to help my son before he hurt himself or someone else. He is super strong and I knew it was only a matter of time. So we agreed to try a drug that was a Non-stimulant first, Guinifance (Tenex). There were some risks involved as it had never been tested on a boy his age but they outweighed the other stimulant side effects so we started him on it right away. To start the dose would be very small, that would increase slowly but not exceed 5mls a day.

We slowly worked him up to 3.5 mls in the am which lasted 12 hours and a second dose of 2 mls once at home. He was showing signs that the medications were working. He was listening to instruction better and was taking naps right after school. However, problems started to present themselves in different ways. He now was falling asleep in class despite having a good nights rest and his blood pressure was a bit low at times. After meeting with doctor again, she decided it would be best to lower his meds. We then went from 3.5 mls in am and then no medication upon arrival home. Then a few weeks went by and he was still showing the same issues but then things managed to get way worse. The school nurse called me stating that he was cold outside but it was 90 degrees out. When they brought him in, he fell asleep and when she took his BP it was dangerously low. The school RN hydrated him, called the doctor and sent him home. The doctor immediately called me and told us to stop the medication all together. At this point, I had already decided this as well. I rather be dealing with the impulsivity and hyperactivity then risking his health or worse his life.

Now he is taking nothing prescribed but is doing a few things differently suggested by the Behavioral Pediatrician. He drinks a small bit of coffee with milk as it has a reverse affect on his hyperactivity. I am sure plenty of parents would be against this idea but I was fine with it. Culturally,  I grew up with a grandmother that gave us coffee and milk as small children so I see no harm in it.  The only issue is that I can’t give him that at school. So I will cross that bridge when we come to it.

We also tried Chamomile drops but it gave him a severe rash. Strangely, he doesn’t have the same reaction when he drinks the brewed tea. He took Genius Drops for focus and attention but that ironically made him more hyper. I have also started giving him vitamins with Omega’s to boost his neurological development. Normally, he refuses all vitamins especially the gummy type ones but he takes this liquid just fine. It is strawberry banana flavored and he and his siblings love it too. The entire family loves Barlean’s Omega-3, and it is highly recommended by our family. For everything else, the search goes on.


We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Divine Intervention

This afternoon I was feeling really low, after I was told my son would not be able to stay in his current Occupational Therapy sessions unless I signed a Safety Agreement. The agreement is to protect the staff and patients from him. Ultimately it says, they would kick him out if he showed any aggressive behavior and or possibly call the police, if warranted.

You hear it and you get it, they have to protect themselves and the other patients. I even went in thinking they were going to ask him to leave. Instead, I get a generic boiler plate. The wording enraged me. He’s 5, he’s Autistic and he is impulsive, with current aggressive outbursts emanating from behavior extinctions. A well trained staff would know how to deal with this. Working with an Autistic child that has aggressive tendencies can be challenging but you expect the professionals to be prepared to deal with such issues prior to taking them on as clients/patients.  Trust me, if I could change that about him, I would. I know no one ever wants to be hit by someone else. Believe me you, we have tried to help him and continue to try each and every day. 

This place has been working with him for nearly two years now. He has a major meltdown and they just sit me down next visit and give me a letter. I sat there for as long as I could, then just got up as they talked, told them I would look it over, maintained politeness and just walked away. I was scared for him while he received therapy that hour. I was not going to sign this letter. I wasn't going to give anyone the right to threaten me or my son with arrest for behavioral issues. With all they said and with what the agreement said, I just felt as though I was failing him. I felt awful and frustrated. 

Along comes a staff member, who recently started working with my son and tells me that she loves working with my child. She said “I really give it to you, after last week, I realized it can’t be easy and you’re such a great mom with them. I just love your kids. They are such good kids. You are doing such a great job. I don’t think I could do the same.”

She may not realize how much I needed to hear that at that moment. All I could tell her was that I appreciated her saying so. She provided the boost I needed to shake it off and do what I needed to do for my son. As he was receiving therapy, I decided it would be his last there. As he was working, I got to work too. I found a place that was properly trained to deal with a child like mine.

These things are often hard to hear though you understand the rationale behind it. You just hear your child is not achieving the required goals. Your child isn’t behaving like the other kids. Your child is not accepted. It’s crushing. And yes, I know they may have never actually said that to me but that’s what it comes down to in the end. He just doesn’t follow along. So they refuse to work with him, they discard him.

I can't be alone. Can I? Has this ever happened to any of you parents out there with a young child with Autism?

We clearly have our challenging days but we get through them and move on. Sometimes with a little push of support from someone or maybe, just some divine intervention.  

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

Wake up!!

WHACK!! Good Morning!?

Please God!! Can you please tell me why my 5 year old son thought that it would be a great idea to wake me up this morning with a remote to my head? My face to be specific.

He could of walked over,  gently touched me and said “Can I watch tv Mama?” He could of just stood there staring at me like his sister does. Creepy, I know but I always wake up a bit startled so it clearly works. So with those options, why on earth did he think it would be a good idea to wack me with the remote and then ask me to watch tv?!

It is this behavior that leaves his father and I wondering will he ever grow out of this impulsivity and poor behavior or will I have to sleep with one eye open the rest of my life?  It is startling how rough he can get with us, especially with me. We could be having fun and then suddenly something or someone will set him off and out of no where he punches or slams into you.

Just the day before I took him to the store and from the start he was being difficult. In an effort to control I wanted to place him in the cart. I get things done faster and he can’t run away. He screams so loud an old man corrected him. I remind him of the rules and tell him we could leave now if he behaves like that. So he’s good the rest of the time. Listens and stays put.

Then came check out time. He wanted to play with the belt at check out. Immediately I see he has created this story line with the belt and an item that we still have yet to ring up. He tells me the Keifer shake was his boat, the belt was the water and I couldn’t take it. I respond to him that he has to let it go so that the lady may do her job and mama can pay. This set him off. As I am handing the item  to the cashier, he punches me in the face. Bad boyfriend style, right on the cheek and as I felt the fire come to my face, then he pulled my hair. The cashier gasps, the lady behind me tusk, tusks me  and I just hold his hands off as I try to check out. Now he is screaming as loud as he can. It was embarrassing and frustrating. I felt so judged and even helpless  as a parent. I can’t control him, nor does he want to be controlled.

For the past two years, every day presents a challenges.  There are those days that feel like a remote to the head. It is physically exhausting, can be emotionally draining and often I’m the one walking away hurt. I withdraw when he gets like this. I don’t want to risk subjecting someone else to his outbursts.  I know not taking him to places is a bad thing but it out ways my other options... most days.

Loving him is never a question. I will always love him, fight for him and never give up on him. Some days it is hard to feel like a good mom and do right by him. He, like my other two kids has a piece of my heart. I don’t often cry but for my kids, I will.  I worry often about how they will get treated or how others treat them. Especially the boys because they’re so unique.

 So the day that I’m feeing like I’m writing a roller coaster or when that day turns into a week or month, I just breathe, and then I remember to breathe again. Someone will remind me I am a good mom. One of  my kids will say something like “oh mama, I’m sorry you’re having a rough day. We love you.”  Despite the melt downs, whining and fighting, I’m reminded that they are impresionable little beings depending on me to show them how to become good human beings. That this is a moment in time that can be a learning moment for all. That they are smart and capable of so much. That all of this is worth it if he learns just a little bit more then the day before. Each daily struggle gets him one step closer to the man I pray he will one day be.

So we breathe again, all of us to find our calm. We go silent for that moment and we begin anew .

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!