Seeing the changes

Some of my readers know, I have been struggling with my youngest son, E and his school. We felt as though he was not receiving the proper education he deserved or that he was being treated improperly. Not abuse, but lack of skill, knowledge and passion still made it traumatic. Socially and academically he was not thriving in his school. He hated going. Being constantly shoved in a "Quiet Room" did NOT exactly help build a strong bond with the teacher and the room assistants, as well as the school administration.

We were constantly getting calls from the school about his behaviors but we assumed he was getting some work done. To the point that when the phone rang, my husband and I would immediately stress out. The teacher never communicated enough with us about how we can advance him academically or even with the specifics to what they were dealing with unless it was related to negative behaviors. I was always the one asking for homework or for insight on his day. Communications were only about his behavior through app messaging (requested by me) or mandatory paperwork. The avoidance got to be so much in the classroom that my son wasn't learning at all. However, I didn't know this until the 3rd quarter progress report came in. We just assumed he was getting some of the work done. Six months had past and he was losing all that he had gained.

Very quickly, I made an appointment to speak with the school principal to discuss my concerns and she seemed shocked that I was complaining about the teacher and that my child with said teacher was not thriving. Believe it or not, she then told me, I wasn't the only parent with this concern and she isn't exactly aware of what is going on in that classroom. She said she was "in the dark." THE PRINCIPAL. She said she would get back to me. Could you imagine? It felt as though she was blowing me off. I left that meeting with such frustration and anger about the lack of passion she showed that I put a call into the school district.

Finally, the staff in special services at the district office came through for us, removed him from the school and transferred him to another. We were so happy about this. I believe my son suffered some level of trauma while in their care, which built distrust with those from that school. They weren't going to get anything accomplished with him. The move gave us hope that with a new slate, E could finally begin to learn and to love learning. Only a few weeks in and we can already see some positive changes. The teacher communicates regularly with us. Shares not just the failures of the day but also his successes. E shares with us small details of his day in a positive light.

The other night E was using a small learn and play computer, he said he was doing "Homework". He was getting the answers right and asking for help when he was not sure. I was so proud of him. Then to my surprise, he asked for a desk so that he could do more homework. I mentioned to him that in order to do that, I would have to get rid of his Rocket tent and asked if he was really okay with that. E loves this tent. There are nights he prefers to sleep in the tent versus his own comfy bed. So when he said "yes" I cried because that was his way of letting me know, he is enjoying learning.

Don't get me wrong,I know the E still has a long way to go. We are still dealing with behaviors but he is working through them. He is capable. For him to be in the care of others who believe in his potential, who have the training and passion to help him achieve all that he is capable of, well that is just like bringing sight to a blind man. We can't wait to see what is to come.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Best Wishes this Holiday Season

Sending post-Christmas best wishes to you all. 

Hope this message finds you well and that you have much to be grateful for this Christmas season. Though we all have our ups and downs through out the year, it is my wish that you always keep it in perspective and learn to be in the moment. That what ever your faith or beliefs, that you always nurture the love of family and put good into the world. 

May the New Year bring your families closer, grant patience for those lacking and much joy because who couldnt' use a little more joy in their lives. Sending all my love and heartfelt wishes from my family to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

Chooo! Chooo! goes the Train

We have been having a few rough weeks with E. Non stop aggression at school displayed towards teacher and sometimes students.  Teacher calling us or writing notes with complaints. Principle calling us to come get him from school. It has been a constant battle to keep him from spinning out of control.

This week though, was just the thing that put me over the top. I got the call that said he was misbehaving, that they wanted to place him in the quiet room alone as he was being way to aggressive with his teacher. I hesitantly allowed it, so long as they were able to have eyes on him. Twenty minutes later, I receive another call to go to school.

Now, I was upset and angry. The closer I got to the school, the more I questioned why they couldn't handle him, what was it that was sending him into these tailspins, why were they so ill-equipped? I was mad at them. I was driving with a mindset that I needed to be prepared to fight.

I was on the phone with my husband, screaming not to pick up our son yet. That I wanted to walk in with him and see what they had to say. In my mind, I was going to tell them they had it all wrong, that they were clueless and needed to admit that they didn't know how to help my son. That they were lacking the skill set, training and education to help him.

Then the train happened. 

This really long Union Pacific freight train stops me in my tracks and now I'm steaming mad but can't go any where. I look up to the sky and say "Why God, Why?" Then I realized the why. As I heard the rhythm of the train on the tracks, it began to lull me into a calm. This time I looked up again and said "I get it God. I get it!" I took a deep breath and remembered how to be grateful. I thought of young Kaylyn who died in 2017 from Cancer. Thankful for all we have in E and my other two kids. That we still have them, happy and healthy. To know that yes, we are going through difficult times as a family, individually stressed in our own ways but we had much to be thankful for and that yelling at others wouldn't make me feel any better or any more grateful for the life we have. That yelling at them wouldn't fix the issue at hand, my son has Autism and it comes with challenges that don't have any easy fixes.

There is so much bad going on in the world right now, it gets easy to focus on all that is negative and get lost in the ugly of it all. To attack those that are seemingly trying to deprive you of joy would be wasted effort. It was best not to give them power over us.  I often feel defeated by these calls, judged as a parent, out of control, angry at the Autism or feeling as though I am failing miserably. But then God put a train in front of me, to remind me that there is a better way and life should always be put into perspective.

I am imperfect. My child is perfectly imperfect and though I wish he would conform for the sake of society, I also wish that he never changes. He is funny, loving, cuddly, full of life and my joy. Sure he is strong willed, impulsive and emotional at times but we all are. That train proved that to me. It allowed me to see how I was behaving and thinking. I wasn't putting my best self forward and my kids might just be seeing that from time to time when the stress gets to be so much. We are alive, we are healthy, my kids are almost always smiling and we have a home to watch them grow up in. He had a few bad days, and that's okay, we are okay.

Take a minute, absorb your life, breath and try to keep it all in perspective.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

Divine Intervention

This afternoon I was feeling really low, after I was told my son would not be able to stay in his current Occupational Therapy sessions unless I signed a Safety Agreement. The agreement is to protect the staff and patients from him. Ultimately it says, they would kick him out if he showed any aggressive behavior and or possibly call the police, if warranted.

You hear it and you get it, they have to protect themselves and the other patients. I even went in thinking they were going to ask him to leave. Instead, I get a generic boiler plate. The wording enraged me. He’s 5, he’s Autistic and he is impulsive, with current aggressive outbursts emanating from behavior extinctions. A well trained staff would know how to deal with this. Working with an Autistic child that has aggressive tendencies can be challenging but you expect the professionals to be prepared to deal with such issues prior to taking them on as clients/patients.  Trust me, if I could change that about him, I would. I know no one ever wants to be hit by someone else. Believe me you, we have tried to help him and continue to try each and every day. 

This place has been working with him for nearly two years now. He has a major meltdown and they just sit me down next visit and give me a letter. I sat there for as long as I could, then just got up as they talked, told them I would look it over, maintained politeness and just walked away. I was scared for him while he received therapy that hour. I was not going to sign this letter. I wasn't going to give anyone the right to threaten me or my son with arrest for behavioral issues. With all they said and with what the agreement said, I just felt as though I was failing him. I felt awful and frustrated. 

Along comes a staff member, who recently started working with my son and tells me that she loves working with my child. She said “I really give it to you, after last week, I realized it can’t be easy and you’re such a great mom with them. I just love your kids. They are such good kids. You are doing such a great job. I don’t think I could do the same.”

She may not realize how much I needed to hear that at that moment. All I could tell her was that I appreciated her saying so. She provided the boost I needed to shake it off and do what I needed to do for my son. As he was receiving therapy, I decided it would be his last there. As he was working, I got to work too. I found a place that was properly trained to deal with a child like mine.

These things are often hard to hear though you understand the rationale behind it. You just hear your child is not achieving the required goals. Your child isn’t behaving like the other kids. Your child is not accepted. It’s crushing. And yes, I know they may have never actually said that to me but that’s what it comes down to in the end. He just doesn’t follow along. So they refuse to work with him, they discard him.

I can't be alone. Can I? Has this ever happened to any of you parents out there with a young child with Autism?

We clearly have our challenging days but we get through them and move on. Sometimes with a little push of support from someone or maybe, just some divine intervention.  

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

Wake up!!

WHACK!! Good Morning!?

Please God!! Can you please tell me why my 5 year old son thought that it would be a great idea to wake me up this morning with a remote to my head? My face to be specific.

He could of walked over,  gently touched me and said “Can I watch tv Mama?” He could of just stood there staring at me like his sister does. Creepy, I know but I always wake up a bit startled so it clearly works. So with those options, why on earth did he think it would be a good idea to wack me with the remote and then ask me to watch tv?!

It is this behavior that leaves his father and I wondering will he ever grow out of this impulsivity and poor behavior or will I have to sleep with one eye open the rest of my life?  It is startling how rough he can get with us, especially with me. We could be having fun and then suddenly something or someone will set him off and out of no where he punches or slams into you.

Just the day before I took him to the store and from the start he was being difficult. In an effort to control I wanted to place him in the cart. I get things done faster and he can’t run away. He screams so loud an old man corrected him. I remind him of the rules and tell him we could leave now if he behaves like that. So he’s good the rest of the time. Listens and stays put.

Then came check out time. He wanted to play with the belt at check out. Immediately I see he has created this story line with the belt and an item that we still have yet to ring up. He tells me the Keifer shake was his boat, the belt was the water and I couldn’t take it. I respond to him that he has to let it go so that the lady may do her job and mama can pay. This set him off. As I am handing the item  to the cashier, he punches me in the face. Bad boyfriend style, right on the cheek and as I felt the fire come to my face, then he pulled my hair. The cashier gasps, the lady behind me tusk, tusks me  and I just hold his hands off as I try to check out. Now he is screaming as loud as he can. It was embarrassing and frustrating. I felt so judged and even helpless  as a parent. I can’t control him, nor does he want to be controlled.

For the past two years, every day presents a challenges.  There are those days that feel like a remote to the head. It is physically exhausting, can be emotionally draining and often I’m the one walking away hurt. I withdraw when he gets like this. I don’t want to risk subjecting someone else to his outbursts.  I know not taking him to places is a bad thing but it out ways my other options... most days.

Loving him is never a question. I will always love him, fight for him and never give up on him. Some days it is hard to feel like a good mom and do right by him. He, like my other two kids has a piece of my heart. I don’t often cry but for my kids, I will.  I worry often about how they will get treated or how others treat them. Especially the boys because they’re so unique.

 So the day that I’m feeing like I’m writing a roller coaster or when that day turns into a week or month, I just breathe, and then I remember to breathe again. Someone will remind me I am a good mom. One of  my kids will say something like “oh mama, I’m sorry you’re having a rough day. We love you.”  Despite the melt downs, whining and fighting, I’m reminded that they are impresionable little beings depending on me to show them how to become good human beings. That this is a moment in time that can be a learning moment for all. That they are smart and capable of so much. That all of this is worth it if he learns just a little bit more then the day before. Each daily struggle gets him one step closer to the man I pray he will one day be.

So we breathe again, all of us to find our calm. We go silent for that moment and we begin anew .

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!