Cursive No More

This year my eldest son will be learning cursive or script handwriting. His little sister has already learned how to write her name and is super excited about it. The fact that she has her brother beat is even more of an ego boost for her.

In any case, N will learn that this year. We were talking about it and he tells me N - "Mama, Why do I need to learn that?"
my response was that "It's mandatory. One day you will need it to sign contracts or checks." then we get into a back and forth.

N: Well why can't I just write my name or do it on the computer? It's hard for me.
Me: Because it's what the school needs you to learn and what if someone needs the actual signature, you can't do that on the computer. (He grimaces at me)
N: Yes, Mama the computer can do the cursive for you. (As if I didn't know this)
Me: Well, that's like cheating.
N: Oh, are you sure that's cheating?
Me: That what the school needs you to learn.
N: Seems like cursive is a waist of time. Everyone uses computers now.

At this point, I was running out of responses so I ended it with the famous mom answer "Because that's just the way it is" and he gave me a look and moved on. He knew that this was the comment I make when I have had enough of his questions. I can't disagree with him, even your bills can be paid online, making checks a thing of the past and me a relic for still writing them.

This is just one of the many banters we have on a daily basis. N’s an inquisitive kid, he questions  everything and we are both smarter because of it.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Mom needs a vacation

I know I am not alone when I tell you all that I am ready for the kids to go back to school. I have been doing more running around over the summer then the school year. Juggling from taking care of my kids to caring for my parents. I’m spent and ready for my vacation to start...the school year.

Fond memories of Mr. Softee

My kids seem to think that they deserve all these fun camps. My son told me in his whinniest voice, “I worked hard all school year and this is my reward.” I shared with him that when I was a kid, my reward for doing well in school was chasing after a Mr. Softee truck in 100 degree weather, buying a oh so cooling Ice Cream cone or a frozen rocket pop and enjoying it as it melted in my hand. I never attended one single camp as a kid and I turned out just fine. However, where we live, kids don’t play much outside over the summer, they all seem to go to camp. So despite my not wanting to join in with “the Jones’” I send my kids to camp.

Now exhausted and drained from all the running around, the playing kitchen, ghost mom and explaining things over and over again, I am reminded of a commercial from when I was a kid. This may show my age but do any of you remember this commercial... “Calgon, Take Me Away” It was a popular commercial in the late 70’s, early 80’s.

I can relate to the first ten seconds of this video as many parents can. Often I feel like I am in charge of everything and feel increasingly overwhelmed especially because my kids require a great deal of juggling during the school year. The summer is like a three ring circus. 

As a kid, I laughed at this silly commercial. I couldn’t relate at all and thought it was ridiculous that she thought a bath could fix her problems. That thought still holds true. However, these day, I do relate to the sense of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and how a calming bath could potentially help ease some of the stress. Watching it now, I still laugh because I’m like what was she complaining about?  She gets to take a long bath in that giant tub. I don’t even have time to fill my small tub before some little person comes knocking on the door or jumps in for themselves. 

As I write this, my youngest son is asking me to repair his toy hedgehog “He needs surgery!” And my daughter, is requesting that I change her splint for her broken finger. Yeah did I mention that she broke her finger over the summer on the exact same day she broke her collarbone last year. Yea! So “Calgon, take me away” but like really away, far away....please!!!

Clearly, I joke about it all because thats the only way to survive it most days. Laughing at myself is my coping skill. How do you manage when your kids are driving you a bit bonkers or to the end of your rope?  

Hope you all are fairing well this summer and looking forward to a pleasant start to a new school year, I know I am. 

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Father’s Day

This past Sunday it was Father's day, and we spent the day with my dad. We surrounded him with lots of love, food, family and laughter.This year, I had such a hard time picking out a card for him. What kind of card could I find that would show how grateful I have been to have him in my life and thankful for all he has done for me. I figured he had seen his fair share of fart joke cards to last a lifetime and I wanted my words to mean something. So instead of a card, I’m writing this for him. 

Father's Day is that gentle reminder of just how much our dads mean to us. We are supposed to rush out  to the stores and buy them all kinds of “Hallmark” marketed items and this year I knew I needed to do more.

When I was Child, I adored my dad and as a teenager, I fought with him. As an adult, I was able to see my father differently, forgive his wrong doings and become friends with him. He may not realize it but within the past 6 years, he has become my best friend. He's the person I go to when I seek advice, comfort, media updates or just a good laugh. I like to think as an adult, I haven’t squandered a moment with him.

Now that he's reached his later years and is battling age and life,  I only hope that I can be the love and support that he needs because he has given that to me.

Dad when you read this, I hope you know just how much you mean to me, how much I love you, and how much my children love you. That you realize how grateful I am for all you have done for us. As my father you made sure that we always had a roof over our head and that we never went without. As a grandfather, you subbed in as a temporary dad when it was necessary and became my sons best friend too. My children love you so much and that fills my heart as I know it does yours. 

So to you dad, I'd like to say on this thanks for getting better with age. For always loving me even when I didn't appreciate what I had before me. For teaching me the love of baseball and that there was nothing wrong with having my own opinions. For helping me become the strong, independent woman I am today. For being my strength when I lacked it, the voice of reason when by temper got the best of me but most of all, for becoming my friend.

I love you dad!!

https://photos.app.goo.gl/EACREYCetvUzvEpF8

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Losing my help

It has always been so hard for me to let strangers into my home to provide therapies to my son. Obviously I had to be okay with it, he needed the help.  Bedtime became a juggling routine with the three kids all demanding my time. Shower time was easy, I took away baths and put in place a shower routine. Bath times are now special and mostly on weekends.  The running room from to room trying to read and tuck them into bed was still an issue. When I was at my highest point of stress, I surrendered to the idea that I needed an Aide to help us along, especially at bedtime.

Many came and went. One lady actually yelled at my son, in front of me, the first day she started. I was like “Hey NO! GOODBYE!” She was gone before she even really started. We just couldn’t find the right fit until a young girl by the name Holly came to us. She had the right energy and the best attitude to deal with him. She was a Godsend to us. She worked with us until very recently and became a part of the family. She lasted nearly a year before the commute and lack of pay became to much. She told me that she couldn’t continue and I understood though I was devastated. My son loves her, how could I not be. The argument she laid before me made sense. She already had a day job and the night job was just intended to be extra money that was now burning up her funds. It no longer made sense for her. So we said our good-byes for now and try to move on.

We brought in another aide and E really liked her. She was older and a mom with boys so she was able to keep up with the chaos my house can sometime run under. Only 4 days in and she tells me she will not be returning. I asked her did Ethan do something to upset you, was there something she felt she couldn’t deal with? The aide simply told me that this was a secondary job for her and that it was costing her more in gas then she was bringing in. So that was that, we once again were without an aide based on salary & expense. I’m really surprised how these agencies don’t reimburse at least some of the gas expense. If they had done that, it would have made all the difference for us.

We have been through a great deal of aides either because of personal chemistry between my son and them or salary/travel expenses. Now the summer is here and I have no one to assist Us. I’ve gone back to being unable to cook dinner and the crazy of bedtime routine is reaching melting point. I often feel guilty if I don’t get a chance to read to each of them. I have tried to read one book to all three at a time but since they are all at different reading levels, it presents its challenges. Also, its the time of day that I like to catch up on the kids day. Discuss privately any issues they may be having or just give that little extra time one on one. Often, I feel like a horrible mom when someone falls asleep before I am even able to give a kiss goodnight.  It’s clear to me I need a better system. It’s a challenge, I have always loved a good challenge so I have confidence I will figure it out...eventually. In the meantime, the hunt for the “Right” health aide to assist us is on.

Wish us luck.


We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Best Wishes this Holiday Season

Sending post-Christmas best wishes to you all. 

Hope this message finds you well and that you have much to be grateful for this Christmas season. Though we all have our ups and downs through out the year, it is my wish that you always keep it in perspective and learn to be in the moment. That what ever your faith or beliefs, that you always nurture the love of family and put good into the world. 

May the New Year bring your families closer, grant patience for those lacking and much joy because who couldnt' use a little more joy in their lives. Sending all my love and heartfelt wishes from my family to yours, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

SFM- Summer Fatigued Mom

You know that first time you take your kid to preschool or kindergarten and you are just balling because you are so sad over letting go. That your sweet baby is growing up so you just burst into tears?

Well, I am so over that! Now I a praying for school to start back up. At this point, I am tired of serving meals, of answering a million and one questions, of reading the same book over and over, the arguing and knock out battles in the house, the "Mama!?,  It's my toy!, No, It's my toy!" You get to the point.  They take you to that place mentally where you just want to scream at all of them.  Pull at your hair, cry and hide in the pantry while eating something you know full well you have no business eating. Which by the way I do all of that, somedays I do one or two and other days, the challenging  days, I am yelling at the kids from the pantry, stuffing cookies in my face and and chanting "I love my children." 

Come on parents, you know what I am talking about? You love your kids and you actually love spending time with them but your learning the benefits of having them in intervals. School gives us that break. Especially for us stay-at-home parents. You spend the entire summer planning every moment of their day out. You make sure everyone gets to camp and the right camp on the right day for the right kid. Add any therapies to that and you officially are a taxi driver for the summer. If only my kids tipped.  And to top it off, while on a trip attempting to build memories, my eldest son guilted me into buying him a Hermit crab which is God awful looking and I am secretly praying it doesn't live the 20 years predicted. So I just added one more thing into my life for me to keep alive. (This one is on me!) It's exhausting!

With all that running around comes a crazy amount of stress and exhaustion. Add a few kids that never stop talking and or fighting and your just about done. Ready to send them back with their little book bags on and see them off for 8 beautiful hours.  Even as I right this, my daughter lays beside me crying and screaming that she wants to go see her grandmother, that it's not fair she doesn't get to go, despite her just being there all day yesterday.  Now I am not sure if this is an actual diagnosis,  I am not a doctor by any means but I call what I am experiencing SFM (Summer Fatigued Mom). I'm done!

Though I would like nothing more then to check out at least emotionally, I can not. So like all good parents, I grab a cup of Joe, maybe eat a few cookies that I shouldn't and keep on pushing on until school starts up again. I continue to say things throughout the day like "Oh that's great! Wow! Ah huh. STOP! What are you doing?!  Why did you just do that? What did you think was going to happen when you put the entire roll of paper in the toilet? No Unicorns aren't real. Yes, Santa is as real as you want him to be. Screaming doesn't change the fact that I'm still trying to ignore you. You see why they tell you NOT to put slime in your hair? " It can go on forever and it does. 

Hope you all are enjoying your summer and taking the time to fit in some special memories in the midst of all the madness.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

PS- if you child asks you for a Hermit crab, say NO!

A question about Autism

My daughter came up to me today and asked me a question. I was kind of taken off guard when she asked me this question and honestly at the moment, I didn't know how to respond to her. I didn't imagine that at four years old she would be asking me this already. I thought maybe I had at least two years before we dove into this. She asked me "Mama, why does Ethan always have to have the autism?"

We have had her watch Sesame Street's introduction of the new character Julia,  that has Autism. So she does know that E and N have Autism. She seemed to understand it, asked some questions and she seemed content with my answers. So it seems now, she has more.  I took a deep breath, took a moment to think about my answer and came up with this.

"Well, you see Pudding Bear (nickname), that's just the way God made him. It's not a bad thing, it's just the way he is."

She then told me "but I want him to be just like me." Hearing this kind of made me sad. Sure things would be easier if E didn't have Autism but I wouldn't trade him for anything. To me, he is perfect.

Then I told her this, "Just because someone isn't like you, doesn't make it a bad thing. Being different is what makes us all special in our own ways. Why don't we treat E like he doesn't have Autism. Treat him like you would want any one else to treat you. When you see he's having a tough day and a hard time, show him kindness, care, patience and love. That's all anyone really needs baby." I watched her as she thought about my answer.

She sat there quietly for about a minute, which is a lot for her, shrugged her shoulders and said "okay mama."

Then she walked over to her brother, patted him gently on the head and asked him if he would like her to put a movie on for him. She gave him a kiss on the head, walked away to get the remote and called me over to put his show on. It was a precious moment.

I can't say I handled this expertly and maybe some of my answer didn't compute with her but I am happy with the results. She showed care and compassion to her brother. They don't always get along, most siblings have their days where they just don't get along and parents become referees. With E's temperament, it happens more often then not.  Which is why I think my daughter posed her question, out of exasperation. That said, they have really good days too. Where they tackle one another in hugs and cuddles. Those moments much like how this discussion with my daughter ended are awesome.

We are blessed for sure.

With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

Not missing, just misplaced

Just wanted to share this. My son went missing in the house. Since he doesn't always respond to us calling him, it can sometimes be stressful. Since we know he can't get out without an alarm going off or growing another 4 feet to unlock security padlocks, I knew he was somewhere inside house. So really, he was misplaced more then missing. This is what happens when I lost him and here is the strange place where I found him.



Had I only started looking in the places I would least expect to find him, it would have saved me some time.
Once I did find him, he just ignored me and kept on moving on. It was just one of those silent days for him I guess. If he can fit here, I am thinking he may have a career in Cirque du Soleil.

Honestly, I think I will put a cow bell on him. At least when he is hiding I can still hear him. To bad we can't microchip our kids...yet 😜.

With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

Coping with no sleep PART 2

I have mentioned in the past about how lack of sleep was really getting to us. How we were seeking out solutions to try and help our three year old get to sleep and sleep through the night. If the lack of sleep was affecting the adults, we know it was having an effect on E too. Well I think we have found a solution that for the past 5 weeks has been working for majority of the nights.

Not to long ago, I read a medical journal on children with Autism and sleep disorders.  Here is the link to the article on Autism and sleep disorders that I shared recently on my Google+. E took about an hour or more to fall asleep so we started giving him melatonin. Which absolutely helped him get to sleep fast but he was waking up nightly at 1 pm and staying up until about 4 or 5 am. It was weighing on us all. We just couldn't get him back to sleep. We went from giving him 1mg, 3mg then 5 mg. After that, we stopped increasing because despite it being natural supplement, we didn't want to over medicate since he is only 3 years old.

In the article linked above, I read something that raised an alarm bell. "60% reported improved sleep, 13% continued to have sleep as a major problem, 1% had worsened sleep after initiating melatonin, and 1% could not determine the response."  He was falling asleep fast but  we did continue to have sleep issues. And in some days it was worse then ever. So I asked myself, could my son be the 1%? 

I resisted the article where it the talked about bedtime routines and sleep training, as well as listing some other items and tasks that can be taken to improve an ASD childs sleep (image to left).

The first thing we did was stop the melatonin and naps. We were stressed out at even the thought of this but we needed to try this. Parenting is work and looking for the easy way out isn't always an option. With a child with both ASD and SPD, we know we have to put in the extra time and effort for all our sakes. We make sure he has some sensory play shortly after dinner usually high impact like trampoline.  A warm shower and bath always seems to help after. We set an alarm so he knows that it is time to get out of bath. He responds well to that.

Then we get him ready for bed while constantly telling him it is bedtime. We let him wonder his room a bit, clean up and close closet and bedroom doors. Then he tucks in for a digital or storybook. He likes to snuggle on the floor on top of pillows we have spread out for him on the floor. This is were it gets tricky for us.  We have a car seat in room incase he is to wound up. We use it as an alternative for compression to calm his nerves. But when offered the alternative, he usually opts for laying down and getting a massage. When he says car seat, we know even he is aware of how out of control he is. The massage helps and a gentle vibration or rocking of his body.

Sleeper sack

In addition to pajamas, we place him in a zip up sleeper sack, zipper to back so he can't escape. This allows his legs limited mobility and his legs don't feel restless. Also, slows him down from moving about. They are inexpensive and we have one for summer and one for winter. He loved it as an infant so we thought we would try it again.

Compression seems to work for him as well. I made him a weighted blanket and he is not a fan. The alternative were these types of sheets that wrap the blanket and you can slip in like a letter in a envelope. I didn't want to buy one and it not work, so I made one with an old fleece blanket. Once he is asleep on the floor, we transfer him to his bed. Tuck him in making sure he is snug but night to tight. We want him to be able to move comfortable in his bed while still receive the compression he needs.

So did it work?

With all of these items and efforts, I can happily say E is sleeping through the night the majority of the time for the past month. He is definitely doing better with attention and seems over all happier, as are we. It's a lot of work and getting him to sleep is still the hardest part but it pays off. We start bedtime every night at 6:30 pm and he is usually asleep by 7-7:30 pm and doesn't wake up until 6 am the next morning. It's awesome. We are always so happy when he falls asleep with in an hour and that he has a successful nights sleep. Happy dance!!

This is our experience. Maybe you have tried this and had a different experience with your child. Every child with ASD is different, unique. Down the road these efforts may need to be tweaked a bit or may not work at all and we will have to find new ways to help him. Don't let the frustration and lack of sleep get to you as I felt it was getting to us. Your child is relying on you to help them figure things out.  Work with them. Observe what they like through out the day, recall what they use to prefer and see how it could be implemented in helping you get your child a better nights rest.

With Love and dedication, anything is possible!

First Day of Kindergarten

The first day of school! Ahhh! I was a nervous wreck.  The handmade sign was complete, the book bag was packed and lunch bag ready with a special little note from mama and a favorite treat. The note would be cute if he knew how to read it. I did it anyway, confident he would be able to sound it out and figure out the "I love you" note. I was ready but there was this lingering feeling of worry. 

The night before N started talking about school and how he was scared of the other kids making fun of him or not liking him. "Why do you think you are different?" I asked him. He responded. "Because I'm different. I'm not like other kids. "It had never occurred to me that he would be so self aware or self conscious enough to feel this way only at the age of 5. My response "N there is nothing wrong with different. Different is what makes us all so very special and if we were all the same the world would be a very boring place. You just remember to be a kind person and respect others. Just be you and the kids that are right for you will be your friend. You'll see." I mean what was I supposed to say to him? I was nervous more then ever now. Not just for the first day but for the entire school year.

Nickelodeon Giphy

So as a sign of solidarity,  the entire family gets in the car to take my sweet little baby boy to school. Dad, brother and sister wish him luck and I go in with him. As we go in I ask him if he is okay and he tells me "It's okay mama, I'm not nervous or scared anymore. I'm excited to go to kindergarten." I mean come on, where did my baby go? In an instant my sweet little baby boy was officially a big boy and brave as heck. There was no need to hand hold or coddle him, he had this and he wanted me to know it. Message received. 

After I dropped him off in class, I took a quick glance back to take a picture and walked as fast as I could to the car. Past the Vice Principal who wanted to chat with only a "Can't talk, I'm trying not to cry in front of everyone." She kindly said "Don't worry mom you got this. He's got this! We will take good care of him."  I shouted a quick "thanks" and cried when I arrived in the car. My first born, my baby was growing up so fast and I had to let him go. I pushed him right out of the nest and he took flight. I'm proud of him. We all are. 

Love you Nono.

Thanks for following and have a blessed day.

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