Happy Thanksgiving 2020

Thanksgiving was a bit weird this year. Clearly Covid-19 put a kink in our usual holiday plans but we made the best of it. Adding to the holiday dilemmas, Dads birthday was on Thanksgiving this year and because of the virus we had to find other ways to celebrate safely. We all stayed home. 

After having dinners apart from extended family for the first time in years, we met up, masks on, went and wished Papa a happy 80th birthday. We hung out in and out of the garage, lawn chairs about, kids running everywhere and eventually sang him "Happy Birthday." Maybe we didn't adhere to all the CDC recommendations but we tried our best.

It was something we all needed to do today. To remind ourselves why we all had something or someone to be thankful for. Even though things didn't go perfectly,  it was as good as I usually expect things to go. My kids go nuts when they see their cousins, people get anxious and E gets fixated on something, today it was cupcakes, which ended with him getting scolded for poor choices. And this only happened within the first 20 minutes of our being there.

Despite the chaos, I was glad that we could have that family moment. My kids needed it and I think others did too. I know my dad was happy to be surrounded by us all, even if it was at a distance and masked. To me, these masks are now ant act of kindness and love. 

If you did get out with family and friends, I hope that you were able to do it safely. With all that was lost this year, it is my hope that we all did our best to keep things in perspective and realize how fortunate we are to be alive, especially now.

Be grateful, while also being considerate of those around you. We don't live in a bubble, though these days I try my best to. Do your part in helping the nation get through this pandemic. Feel good about yourself through caring for others. 

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

This Says it All!

I mean this says it all. My eldest shared his thoughts with me, handing over his journal for me to read with a smile. I was expecting something funny. He is comical in his writing despite the topic.

N is a huge hugger, always has been. For the longest time we did everything possible to keep him from hugging strangers or attacking people he knew and loved with hanging hugs (That's when a child jumps at you for a hug but doesn't quite get caught and slides down as he breaks your back.) with COVID-19 being what it is and all the restrictions of personal contact, which he is to my surprise following, he clearly misses "HUGS".

So if your lucky and you get the chance to hug someone you've been missing and feel the joy of their warm hugs, bask in it. I myself have never been one for long hugs but if given the chance, I might linger a bit all the while remembering there is a kid who really misses hugging EVERYONE.

Please continue to be safe and as my daughter says "Protect the old people." Let us be mindful of our choices and how it could potentially affect others. Praying the world can soon hug without so much worry. Virtual hugs 🤗 for all!

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Virtual School Check-in

This is just a check-in since I have been doing a poor job of sharing my experiences lately. Not for nothing but it has been an adjustment that requires a great deal of my attention. The kids are doing well and trying hard to adjust to all the change of the last few months. With virtual school in its 5th week here, we are slowly finding our rhythm. 

We started off strong, excited about the opportunity to do school at home and I was super great at my new job. They were dressed for success. Happily taking pictures in their new Covid-19 virtual Classroom. Then things changed. They logged in.

                  

     

First, I had to completely separate them. They are all at different levels and schedules. Each other’s class was interfering with the others. They would get distracted easily and run over to each other’s computers to see what they were listening to or just try to be funny on camera. I have children that think they are clowns sometimes. 

 

We have had a few moments when the kids fell out. When I say fell out I mean tears.  My daughter who is only now just getting into virtual wasn’t really enjoying virtual like she should at the start. She would be on the floor under the kitchen table, crying or slumped over the table agonizing over her classwork. When the school was doing assessments, she would just scream “I’m so dumb!” It infuriated the both of us. She got through it but not without a huge pep talk from me. Then they decided it would be a great idea to continue the idea that awards for being robots were good and she had another meltdown. That required another pep talk but this time from her aunt (Titi) who made everything better.  Starring at an iPad has never been so boring for a child. N is doing his best so far. He has really showed me that Homeschooling really is for him. He has way less anxiety and remains more focused with less distractions because he is allowed so many breaks.  My only concern would be the lack of social emotional experiences being permitted throughout ZOOM classes.

If it’s challenging for my daughter who is “Nuero Typical” then it is much harder for EE and frankly for me too. Keeping track of three different time schedules at home for the kids has its problems. Jumping from one kid to another can be exhausting as well. Then add in the at home therapy supports and I’m spent. Getting EE to sit and maintain focus sometimes feels like I am the Wring Master in the Circus. “Come  one, come ALL!” Constantly calling a child back to the table to work independently or online. He HATES writing. Always the onion, this has raised some more questions to why he hates it so. Is it just not preferred or is there an underlying issue. It is his hand strength or is it neurological. So that’s in the works. 😩 

The zoom classes can overstimulate him and leave me wrangling him back to his chair like a lion tamer. Issuing demands and threats of “X’s” on his Response Cost System card. Which has been working. Well enough to add some rewards but not enough to have a entire day without having lost anything. The related arts classes have been the worst especially PE, leaving me with a wired child. Having had his first IEP now, we have opted out of live participation’s, allotted for more breaks with some sensory input, and widened the time frame things are do. I am way more concerned about the academics at this point and  though I know he enjoyed it in related arts person, it’s just not the same the way they are doing it virtually. So I am not upset about opting out of related arts for him. Reading, writing and Math are key goals for us.  

From here we will see how things progress. Two and half months in and we are starting to find our groove. I just hope that we all manage to find away to do this and truly gain versus regress in our learning. If you are a parent that has chosen virtual for your child(ren) I hope that you are doing well and managing. Remember this is all a new challenge for so many. Communicate often with your child’s teacher/(s) and seek help if and when you need it. Teachers want to help and they also need to know that they are supported. Create an alliance and work together. Have confidence that the best you can do, is good enough and that they will pick up where you can not. After all, most of us are not teachers but we are parents doing the best we can to protect and support our children during these unprecedented times. So talk to the teachers, it’s been a great help for us to know that we are supported in that way. 

Please feel free to share with me how you are managing during this pandemic and virtual homeschooling. I would love to hear from you. I pray you all are staying safe and making the best of this time together. Be kind and love one one another. 😷 

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Seven, I can’t believe it!

Lucky Seventh Birthday-🎂🎂👧👦

I want to say that yesterday was an easy day and all went perfect. That there was no fighting, arguing or refereeing. I’d like to tell you that but I can’t. What I can tell you is that my kids had a great day. It was their birthday. They are officially 7 years old. Seven. I can’t believe it.

We have come so far in the last seven years. When they were born, I recall how worried I was for them in the NICU, praying on when I could take them home. Now, I look at them and though I still worry about them, they have come so far, strong and confident kids. 

Together they have taken leaps and bounds, plus a few falls along the way too.  I see how they encourage one another and how they use their “Spidie twin” senses and come to one another for comfort, support or to just check in. To show growth, this was the first time my son didn’t bite into the cake this year before us serving him a slice.

My husband and I are grateful for family and friends that reached out with special messages of love and celebration. Additional thanks to those of you that sent gifts even when we said you didn’t have to. (When I say “we” I mean me because they would never say that.) It made the day all the more special for them. Plus, they made out like bandits this year. COVID-19 birthday guilt I guess. 

No party, no problem. We zoomed family and friends in for cake time. For the kids, it felt like we were all really present. Yes, the singing was out of tune and delayed (Oh wait, that’s typical for us)  but the true meaning of it all was there...a celebration of life. Two lives in this case.

My wish would have been that my parents could have been with us in person. Not going to get many more birthdays with my dad. I hate to say it, to even think it, but it is true. To them, it was like having them in the room, so I guess that counts for something.

You can see the far stare that my son has. He has had some challenging times that he is working through. We all are doing our best to help and love him through it. He may not be smiling as often these days, but I promise, we are doing are absolute best to get to the other side of ALL of this to see him smile regularly again. For now, his sister has his back. Literally. 

Thank you all for you best wishes. It was just what they needed to boost their spirits during this difficult time at home. Please leave me a comment and let me know how you are sharing time with your family. We would love to hear from you. 

I pray you all are staying safe and making the best of this time together.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Acceptance

When you find out you're going to be a parent there's a mix of fear and excitement that comes over you. You start planning all these wonderful things and hoping that this child will be able to do such great things in the world. The fear is mostly the worry of the health of child and birth. Also, what the future will hold for them. When you find out that your child is going to have a disability, there's this other fear that occupies your mind. Some of those dreams you had for them get clouded or disappear. You feel crushed, broken even. You worry how will they function, how will you manage, how can they survive without you, how do they live  within a world that doesn't understand or accept them?

When we found out that the boys had Autism, it changed everything. All the plans and dreams we had for them, in am instant changed. I felt those dreams for them slipping away but already familiar with Autism through family members, I knew this was not a sentence. You have to quickly push yourself into acceptance. I gave myself 10 minutes to mourn the dreams I had for my sons and work to accept the dreams that they would have for themselves. They would reach their maximum potential and I would support them every step of the way.

I went into fix it mode. The let’s tackle it head on and find away. For their dad, it took a little longer and some days he still struggles with the fact that our youngest son may not adapt to society's norms the way we had hoped. We worry that both boys may not always “fit in”. Since we can't always make society accept them the way they are, we have to prepare them for the world outside their heads. That's not an easy pill to swallow. To know that your child may not have a lot of friends or any. That you talk and they may not always be with you despite being in the same room as you. That you discipline and it goes unnoticed. That you make a joke and they don't get it. That you can give instructions and they can forget it a minute later. That they don’t understand why you are constantly instructing or placing demands on them. It's not easy for either side. 

Yet, if you love. Love them as much as they love you and more, the walls will come down. Their eyes brighten and their smiles gleam. They connect through love. Love what they love and be apart of their world. Acceptance WILL come for you both, you will connect and you WILL be a better parent for it.

Here is a link to a short Pixar film that was created by a father, Bobby Rubio, who was having difficulty connecting and accepting the reality of his sons diagnosis of Autism. He expresses his journey in such a poetic way, that I had to share with you today. This is just a brief trailer but impactful.

https://youtu.be/xu0UmLzClus

I highly recommend that you watch this short film if you have the opportunity to.  You can find it on Disney+ Pixar short films. I only wish I had the link to the actual short so that you can actually watch it for yourselves. They really should be available to everyone, it's beautiful. Pixar is doing a wonderful job with the telling of these shorts stories. Be sure to also watch Wind and Loop, two great little films that carry quite the powerful message. 

Being a parents is hard and, we can be critical of ourselves. Being a parent with a child with differences isn’t any easier. There are days where all I can do is laugh, cry. Where I can lose it and, regret every word or action. Wanting your child to fit in comes from the fear of not being accepted. Society doesn’t bend to them, they bend to society. You want to protect them, but they may not see it that way. Considering this, let’s give our kids a break to be themselves, rejoice in it. Remember, the world will be hard enough on them, they don’t have feel like outsiders in their own home. Family is supposed to be their safe place, a place where they can be just who they are. Make sure you give them that. 

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!