Acceptance

When you find out you're going to be a parent there's a mix of fear and excitement that comes over you. You start planning all these wonderful things and hoping that this child will be able to do such great things in the world. The fear is mostly the worry of the health of child and birth. Also, what the future will hold for them. When you find out that your child is going to have a disability, there's this other fear that occupies your mind. Some of those dreams you had for them get clouded or disappear. You feel crushed, broken even. You worry how will they function, how will you manage, how can they survive without you, how do they live  within a world that doesn't understand or accept them?

When we found out that the boys had Autism, it changed everything. All the plans and dreams we had for them, in am instant changed. I felt those dreams for them slipping away but already familiar with Autism through family members, I knew this was not a sentence. You have to quickly push yourself into acceptance. I gave myself 10 minutes to mourn the dreams I had for my sons and work to accept the dreams that they would have for themselves. They would reach their maximum potential and I would support them every step of the way.

I went into fix it mode. The let’s tackle it head on and find away. For their dad, it took a little longer and some days he still struggles with the fact that our youngest son may not adapt to society's norms the way we had hoped. We worry that both boys may not always “fit in”. Since we can't always make society accept them the way they are, we have to prepare them for the world outside their heads. That's not an easy pill to swallow. To know that your child may not have a lot of friends or any. That you talk and they may not always be with you despite being in the same room as you. That you discipline and it goes unnoticed. That you make a joke and they don't get it. That you can give instructions and they can forget it a minute later. That they don’t understand why you are constantly instructing or placing demands on them. It's not easy for either side. 

Yet, if you love. Love them as much as they love you and more, the walls will come down. Their eyes brighten and their smiles gleam. They connect through love. Love what they love and be apart of their world. Acceptance WILL come for you both, you will connect and you WILL be a better parent for it.

Here is a link to a short Pixar film that was created by a father, Bobby Rubio, who was having difficulty connecting and accepting the reality of his sons diagnosis of Autism. He expresses his journey in such a poetic way, that I had to share with you today. This is just a brief trailer but impactful.

https://youtu.be/xu0UmLzClus

I highly recommend that you watch this short film if you have the opportunity to.  You can find it on Disney+ Pixar short films. I only wish I had the link to the actual short so that you can actually watch it for yourselves. They really should be available to everyone, it's beautiful. Pixar is doing a wonderful job with the telling of these shorts stories. Be sure to also watch Wind and Loop, two great little films that carry quite the powerful message. 

Being a parents is hard and, we can be critical of ourselves. Being a parent with a child with differences isn’t any easier. There are days where all I can do is laugh, cry. Where I can lose it and, regret every word or action. Wanting your child to fit in comes from the fear of not being accepted. Society doesn’t bend to them, they bend to society. You want to protect them, but they may not see it that way. Considering this, let’s give our kids a break to be themselves, rejoice in it. Remember, the world will be hard enough on them, they don’t have feel like outsiders in their own home. Family is supposed to be their safe place, a place where they can be just who they are. Make sure you give them that. 

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Goodbye 2019

Goodbye 2019

You never go into a new year expecting that things will go poorly, it’s about hopes and dreams, wishes and plans for the future. 2019 was a year that presented many challenges and some personal hits to our family.

If you follow my blog you know that my youngest son had a lot happen to him this past year and has been struggling to get back on track. We have been dealing with a great deal of outburst and unexplained emotional meltdowns. It’s been hard because I constantly have to figure out how to approach the behaviors. Is it trauma or just being difficult? How do I approach and deal with him? I’ve chosen to continue the positive parenting approach with “Love and Logic” talking it through while trying to remain quiet, tolerant and calm. He slowly is showing signs of recovery but it’s a journey for us all and it will take time.

Me and Pa New Years Eve 12/2019

 What I haven’t shared with you is that my father was diagnosed with Stage IV Esophageal Cancer at 78 years of age. In the summer, he was told if he chose not to receive treatment, he would likely be dead in four months. 4 months! He asked the doctor “Could you give me one more Christmas with the kids?” The doctor simply said “We can try.”  So dad braved the 12 treatments and we celebrated his last of the first round on his 79th birthday in November. Then Christmas, with most of the immediate family present. We brought in a New Year with him and I know he felt blessed to still be here to do that. We are certainly not trying to take this time for granted, even though sometimes it is easier to forget and pretend like things are okay. I realize our time is limited. It always is really, each day we get a bit closer to our end. However, I’m choosing not to squander our days with the family. I always say “I love you” because I never want him to think even for a second that I never did or that I lapsed in my care for him. He has been my rock and now all I can do is try to be his.

When asked what was I most grateful for in 2019, I joke that it is over but that isn’t the truth. I never would have dreamt any of this for us but life has a way of steering its own path for us sometimes. The news received was like a one two punch to the gut, each time it felt like my heart was being  squeezed out of me. Yet, there have been lessons to take away from this pain. My son has taught me so much, even in the worst of what he is going through. Love is the reason for everything. It can hurt when you love so intensely but it can also give you the comfort and the strength you need to fight for what matters. I do it for my son and my father is doing it for us. I fight for my sons well being. My dad is fighting for his, so that we can have one more day, one more joke,  one more hug, one more I love you with him. We undoubtedly will take them anyway we can get them.

So yes, it was a hard year, and maybe 2020 will still present its challenges, my son still has healing to do, as do I. My father still has a fight ahead of him but he’s doing it with a smile, most days and a purpose. I see strength from both this young boy and this old man. They teach me resilience, the power of prayer and endless love.

What do I wish for in 2020? That love continue to guide us and heal us all. That family be the center and focus in our lives. That love fill our hearts and spread to those around us. To be grateful and to  not allow fear to stop us from achieving our goals in reaching for the stars.

Happy New Year friends. May the love in your hearts spread out to the world and make it better than the day before.

Feel free to share with me what you are grateful for this past year and what your hopes for the coming year are. I would love to hear it.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Cursive No More

This year my eldest son will be learning cursive or script handwriting. His little sister has already learned how to write her name and is super excited about it. The fact that she has her brother beat is even more of an ego boost for her.

In any case, N will learn that this year. We were talking about it and he tells me N - "Mama, Why do I need to learn that?"
my response was that "It's mandatory. One day you will need it to sign contracts or checks." then we get into a back and forth.

N: Well why can't I just write my name or do it on the computer? It's hard for me.
Me: Because it's what the school needs you to learn and what if someone needs the actual signature, you can't do that on the computer. (He grimaces at me)
N: Yes, Mama the computer can do the cursive for you. (As if I didn't know this)
Me: Well, that's like cheating.
N: Oh, are you sure that's cheating?
Me: That what the school needs you to learn.
N: Seems like cursive is a waist of time. Everyone uses computers now.

At this point, I was running out of responses so I ended it with the famous mom answer "Because that's just the way it is" and he gave me a look and moved on. He knew that this was the comment I make when I have had enough of his questions. I can't disagree with him, even your bills can be paid online, making checks a thing of the past and me a relic for still writing them.

This is just one of the many banters we have on a daily basis. N’s an inquisitive kid, he questions  everything and we are both smarter because of it.

We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Second guessing myself

You ever have an experience where your child has nearly convinced you that you are loosing your mind. Well recently, that is exactly what my oldest son did to me.

The kids have been going to camp and it involves a great deal of running around because they all go to different camps specific to their likes or needs. This specific week was one where everyone had camp exactly at the same time. Two were attending the same camp but on separate parts of the campus and the other was cross town but all had to be there by 9 am. Needless to say I was dragging the kids along at an extreme pace.

Fortunately, I was able to drop of my youngest boy, E, to his camp a few minutes early which allowed me to get to the other camp just in time for it to start. Then I would rush to pick the older kids up so that I can get my youngest from camp and head back home.

How is it that when I arrive to pick up my oldest boy, N, he is barefoot. I think to myself, okay that is  gross but whatever,  I proceed to tell him to get his shoes on and snap my fingers at him. He tells me “I don’t have shoes.” Then we start this back and forth, where I tell him he had shoes and he insist that he didn’t. I ask one of the adults where his shoes are and she tells me “He says he came with no shoes.” You ever have that feeling where all you can do is cringe at the things your children say out in public?

You could only imagine how embarrassed I was to hear that my child is telling people that I, his mother, sent him to camp with no shoes. NO SHOES! Telling EVERYONE that asked him that his mom sent him with no shoes. Now not only am I now mortified that he is making me look like the insane mother of the year but I am also starting to question whether or not I actually did forget to check to see if he had shoes on. I mean it wouldn’t be the first time we leave the house and have to turn around because someone forgot to put on shoes or PANTS! Happens way to often.

Either way, I get into a continued back and forth that he came to school with slip on shoes and they have to be here somewhere. We all begin the search while N is still insisting that he didn’t have shoes on today. Finally, we retrieve the shoes and he then isn’t convinced they are his until he tries them on. Because finding them and seeing them isn’t enough to convince him yet, he says he has to “Try them on and see if they are his.” UGH! I don’t know who I wanted to slap more, him for making me look and feel bad or myself for even allowing him to get into my head and make me second guess myself. I knew I sent that boy to camp with shoes. In the end, he tries them on as if he was Cinderella and says “Oh yeah, I guess I did have shoes on today.” Really, you don’t say.

Thankfully the camp counselor was really nice about it and I walked away slightly reassured that she didn’t think I was the worst mom ever.

Click link for a video recap of our experience.Where are the shoes


In the end, I learned something. Laugh. At one moment I felt like I was about to whack him upside his head but then I just started laughing. I mean he can’t help it, he sometimes is just forgetful and we have all had those moments. Right? Lord knows, I have lost my glasses plenty of times and they were sitting on my face. So I just had to laugh and we continued to laugh about it long after...together.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Mom needs a vacation

I know I am not alone when I tell you all that I am ready for the kids to go back to school. I have been doing more running around over the summer then the school year. Juggling from taking care of my kids to caring for my parents. I’m spent and ready for my vacation to start...the school year.

Fond memories of Mr. Softee

My kids seem to think that they deserve all these fun camps. My son told me in his whinniest voice, “I worked hard all school year and this is my reward.” I shared with him that when I was a kid, my reward for doing well in school was chasing after a Mr. Softee truck in 100 degree weather, buying a oh so cooling Ice Cream cone or a frozen rocket pop and enjoying it as it melted in my hand. I never attended one single camp as a kid and I turned out just fine. However, where we live, kids don’t play much outside over the summer, they all seem to go to camp. So despite my not wanting to join in with “the Jones’” I send my kids to camp.

Now exhausted and drained from all the running around, the playing kitchen, ghost mom and explaining things over and over again, I am reminded of a commercial from when I was a kid. This may show my age but do any of you remember this commercial... “Calgon, Take Me Away” It was a popular commercial in the late 70’s, early 80’s.

I can relate to the first ten seconds of this video as many parents can. Often I feel like I am in charge of everything and feel increasingly overwhelmed especially because my kids require a great deal of juggling during the school year. The summer is like a three ring circus. 

As a kid, I laughed at this silly commercial. I couldn’t relate at all and thought it was ridiculous that she thought a bath could fix her problems. That thought still holds true. However, these day, I do relate to the sense of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and how a calming bath could potentially help ease some of the stress. Watching it now, I still laugh because I’m like what was she complaining about?  She gets to take a long bath in that giant tub. I don’t even have time to fill my small tub before some little person comes knocking on the door or jumps in for themselves. 

As I write this, my youngest son is asking me to repair his toy hedgehog “He needs surgery!” And my daughter, is requesting that I change her splint for her broken finger. Yeah did I mention that she broke her finger over the summer on the exact same day she broke her collarbone last year. Yea! So “Calgon, take me away” but like really away, far away....please!!!

Clearly, I joke about it all because thats the only way to survive it most days. Laughing at myself is my coping skill. How do you manage when your kids are driving you a bit bonkers or to the end of your rope?  

Hope you all are fairing well this summer and looking forward to a pleasant start to a new school year, I know I am. 

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Father’s Day

This past Sunday it was Father's day, and we spent the day with my dad. We surrounded him with lots of love, food, family and laughter.This year, I had such a hard time picking out a card for him. What kind of card could I find that would show how grateful I have been to have him in my life and thankful for all he has done for me. I figured he had seen his fair share of fart joke cards to last a lifetime and I wanted my words to mean something. So instead of a card, I’m writing this for him. 

Father's Day is that gentle reminder of just how much our dads mean to us. We are supposed to rush out  to the stores and buy them all kinds of “Hallmark” marketed items and this year I knew I needed to do more.

When I was Child, I adored my dad and as a teenager, I fought with him. As an adult, I was able to see my father differently, forgive his wrong doings and become friends with him. He may not realize it but within the past 6 years, he has become my best friend. He's the person I go to when I seek advice, comfort, media updates or just a good laugh. I like to think as an adult, I haven’t squandered a moment with him.

Now that he's reached his later years and is battling age and life,  I only hope that I can be the love and support that he needs because he has given that to me.

Dad when you read this, I hope you know just how much you mean to me, how much I love you, and how much my children love you. That you realize how grateful I am for all you have done for us. As my father you made sure that we always had a roof over our head and that we never went without. As a grandfather, you subbed in as a temporary dad when it was necessary and became my sons best friend too. My children love you so much and that fills my heart as I know it does yours. 

So to you dad, I'd like to say on this thanks for getting better with age. For always loving me even when I didn't appreciate what I had before me. For teaching me the love of baseball and that there was nothing wrong with having my own opinions. For helping me become the strong, independent woman I am today. For being my strength when I lacked it, the voice of reason when by temper got the best of me but most of all, for becoming my friend.

I love you dad!!

https://photos.app.goo.gl/EACREYCetvUzvEpF8

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Happy Birthday

Day 2 at hospital

First day home together

First photo shoot

Three years ago today, I gave birth to two very beautiful but early babies. They were born 5 weeks early and weighed in 4.4 lbs and 5. 4 lbs. They were so small, I can still recall how scared I was to bring them home, especially my boy. Seeing them in NICU with all those wires and feeding tubes, I prayed I would be able to bring them home sooner then later. When I was able to bring them home within the week, I was elated. Eight months of doing my best to keep them in but they were finally here and leaving healthy. Prayers answered.

Since that day, we have watched them as they have discovered the world around them, developing what I hope is a life long friendship with their older brother and building a twin bond that is as strong as both their personalities. They fight as much as they do hug and kiss one another. 

Now they are three years old and each showing their own very distinct personalities. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't laugh with the kids. We absolutely love them and though they were a surprise, with many sleepless nights, we also know they are a blessing.  I would change nothing. 

Happy Birthday my babies!  

Mama, Daddy and Nono love you both so much. Thanks for bringing double the love into our lives and filling our hearts exponentially.