Ask and you shall receive

Remember how a couple of posts back I was joking about needing to get away. Well, ask and you shall receive. My husband surprised me with an impromptu vacation. It’s really more like a trip because of the time constraints and because a vacation for me would be without the kids. 

Traveling with the kids is rough. First they never stop asking the famous “Are we there yet?” They NEVER go to the bathroom at the same time, and one wants the radio on while the other wants it off. It’s too cold, It’s too hot. I think you get it. My daughter loves to sing in a high pitch operatic voice that reminds me of the movie where Meryl Streep portrays a woman described as the worst opera singer of all time. Now, don’t get me wrong, when my daughter sings in her normal sweet voice, she sounds like an angel. Lately, I think she has been exploring pitch and she is way high, to the point of piercing. As I write this, she is testing out her sounds. Fun! Do we discourage this? No. I want her to sing even if she sometimes hits a sour note or two. It’s my reminder that she is happy and that my ears are functioning. 

Finally, we made it to Myrtle Beach but still had another 30 minutes to get our hotel. So we took the kids to to a great little park called Savannah’s Playground to burn off some energy. It had your typical playground equipment but other cool stuff. Most importantly it had a six foot fence around it. It’s probably one of the first parks I ever felt comfortable going to. It had some really cool slides and a zip line for the kids. The kids loved it. E was in his element. The park is known as a great sensory park for special needs kids but is open for all. And then...

We went to the hotel where E went nuts. The kids were already excited about being at the beach and that the hotel had its own water park. E was over-the-top. His enthusiasm could not be contained. He was opening and slamming draws and cabinet doors. Screaming with joy because the hotel room had it’s own spoons and toaster. So as we changed clothes for the water park, I began to realize that this could potentially go south fast but I wanted to be optimistic and have fun. My goal was to be calm mom and not get anxious. We were fine up until we walked on to the water park grounds. The minute he saw the giant slide his eyes opened wide as did mine but for very different reasons. He was thinking that thing is going to be amazing. My thoughts were more along the lines of this 20 foot slide is going to be the cause of my aneurysm. I chased up the later with him and tried to seem excited. When we reached the top I was still hopeful that the man would tell us your too short. Took the measurements and I wasn’t so lucky. E sits on the slide and pushes himself. Sitting up instead of laying flat on his back, he takes the first curve and nearly flips out of the tube. Then he is flipped backwards and I saw a glimmer of panic in his eye but he hits another turn, where he flips again and it turns him around, then splash. He loves it! Meanwhile I am a horrible anxious mess thinking that I could have lost him on that first curve. He didn’t care, he wanted to do it again.

So needless to say I am extremely stressed out at this point. I figure if we could just get him in the pool and keep him there, I might be able to salvage this trip. N keeps swimming over to me to check on me because he “Don’t like how your face looks right now Mama. I’m worried for you.” I try to reassure him, but I know he is right. Because what I was feeling was straight anxiety over lack of control. Truthfully, it was my lack of control over E. I could see the park was having its affects on him. When my husband held his hand to get his attention and remind him of the rules. His legs looked like they want to leave his body and walk away with out him. He was on sensory overload. I knew I needed to get him in a quiet place but he was also trying to have his best version of fun. It just involved him running in and out of pool or at some points, jumping into shallow pools including a jacuzzi. I was so done. I wanted to scream DONE and leave. Not an option, I still had the other two who were having fun. So I stuck with it with the hopes that eventually he would even out and he did.

We finally got to a place where we were all in the same place and wanted to stay there. From there I started to feel my chest relax and i was able to take control of my breathes again. Though the start was challenging, it ended on a high note. Not to say that anxiety isn't the captain of my ship, it is still in control. While he sleeps all I can think about is how to keep him from the balcony or oven, I might then be able to go to sleep.

Still a day and a half to go, so lets see what tomorrow brings. For now, we are all curled up, and i’m Doing my best to appreciate the good parts of the day.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

SFM- Summer Fatigued Mom

You know that first time you take your kid to preschool or kindergarten and you are just balling because you are so sad over letting go. That your sweet baby is growing up so you just burst into tears?

Well, I am so over that! Now I a praying for school to start back up. At this point, I am tired of serving meals, of answering a million and one questions, of reading the same book over and over, the arguing and knock out battles in the house, the "Mama!?,  It's my toy!, No, It's my toy!" You get to the point.  They take you to that place mentally where you just want to scream at all of them.  Pull at your hair, cry and hide in the pantry while eating something you know full well you have no business eating. Which by the way I do all of that, somedays I do one or two and other days, the challenging  days, I am yelling at the kids from the pantry, stuffing cookies in my face and and chanting "I love my children." 

Come on parents, you know what I am talking about? You love your kids and you actually love spending time with them but your learning the benefits of having them in intervals. School gives us that break. Especially for us stay-at-home parents. You spend the entire summer planning every moment of their day out. You make sure everyone gets to camp and the right camp on the right day for the right kid. Add any therapies to that and you officially are a taxi driver for the summer. If only my kids tipped.  And to top it off, while on a trip attempting to build memories, my eldest son guilted me into buying him a Hermit crab which is God awful looking and I am secretly praying it doesn't live the 20 years predicted. So I just added one more thing into my life for me to keep alive. (This one is on me!) It's exhausting!

With all that running around comes a crazy amount of stress and exhaustion. Add a few kids that never stop talking and or fighting and your just about done. Ready to send them back with their little book bags on and see them off for 8 beautiful hours.  Even as I right this, my daughter lays beside me crying and screaming that she wants to go see her grandmother, that it's not fair she doesn't get to go, despite her just being there all day yesterday.  Now I am not sure if this is an actual diagnosis,  I am not a doctor by any means but I call what I am experiencing SFM (Summer Fatigued Mom). I'm done!

Though I would like nothing more then to check out at least emotionally, I can not. So like all good parents, I grab a cup of Joe, maybe eat a few cookies that I shouldn't and keep on pushing on until school starts up again. I continue to say things throughout the day like "Oh that's great! Wow! Ah huh. STOP! What are you doing?!  Why did you just do that? What did you think was going to happen when you put the entire roll of paper in the toilet? No Unicorns aren't real. Yes, Santa is as real as you want him to be. Screaming doesn't change the fact that I'm still trying to ignore you. You see why they tell you NOT to put slime in your hair? " It can go on forever and it does. 

Hope you all are enjoying your summer and taking the time to fit in some special memories in the midst of all the madness.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!

PS- if you child asks you for a Hermit crab, say NO!

End of school year is here

So as the panic sets in and I realize that the school year is coming to an end, I am scrambling to find things for the kids to do while also dealing with the emotional battle of watching my babies grow-up and having to let them do so. I just keep hearing Moana singing in my head,  🎶 Let it goooo...🎶 It's hard but I am trying to do my best to loosen the reigns this summer.

The twins have finished their 4K program and will be moving on next year to KINDERGARTEN. We had hoped that E would be in a typical classroom for kindergarten but he’s just not there yet behaviorally.  Thankfully, he will be following a typical kindergarten program but not participating in one full day.   He will spend part of his day in CC1 classroom and the remainder of his day will be in typical group settings.  It was hard to accept but I know that his teacher and the staff worked really hard with him these past two years.  I can see so much improvement in so much of what he does. He has especially come far with his speech and attention.

Sister E will be going to the same school as eldest brother N next year though she is torn. She loves that she is going to kindergarten and that she will be taking the bus with big brother. However, she feels sad that she won’t be with her “baby brother” E at the playground. She asked me if it was because of the autism (She is so smart) and I said yes. After, she responded with “I hate the autism!” I just didn’t know how to respond other than telling her we would be working extra hard with him so that we can get him back to their school. But if he doesn’t it was okay for them to have separate lives so long as they always made time for each other. She “seemed” okay with that.

Just a note: We have tried to explain to her that she was the last to be born but she still insists that he is the baby. So we just let her call him “Baby Brother” now.  In any case, she will be attending a half-day camp throughout the entire summer which makes us all happy. She can be a bit of a spirited child. 🤣

Truthfully, we will be pushing E this summer to get those ABC’s down, numbers, listening skills and increasing sitting time while reducing his impulsivity. Sadly, there are not nearly enough activities or camps specifically for Autistic children of his age in our area. His teacher teaches camp for two weeks over summer but that’s about all he will be getting. So we will be making the effort to get out more with him and peer play as well. 

Soon N will be completing his school year as well and we look forward to taking him to new places to explore the outdoors. We are seeking to encourage his love of adventure and creatures of all kinds. We promised him that he could pick the places, within reason of course. He wants to go to Africa but that isn’t happening this summer. He dreams big and we love it. I can’t believe he is going into second grade already. Time flies! He is super excited while still expressing some nervousness about what is to come. Lets face it, he's a worrier and it unfortunately is what he does. We just continue to help him through his many fears and worries. He has been doing great and we expect him to continue along this path in the years to come. He will spend the summer taking soccer, zoo camp and hanging out with friends.

We are so proud of our babies and how far they have come. They each are special in their own ways. Though each have their own unique challenges, I wouldn't change my life at all. Okay, maybe I would want a bit more sleep and a lot less laundry but since they are a package deal, I take it all. 

This is going to be a great summer for us all.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication, anything is possible!