Mr. Anxiety

Recently, my eldest son was complaining of throat pain. So we needed to take him to the doctors but that also meant we needed to prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally for what would be an anxiety inducing visit from Mr. Anxiety. 

N became fixated on the fact that he had to have a tongue depressor used on him. He hates the taste and the feeling of gagging. The entire trip to the doctors he kept asking “Do they have to use that stick in my mouth Mama?” Where I repeatedly responded “they will need to look at your throat if your throat hurts you.” Later adding “what do you think they are going to do if your throat hurts?” I was needing him to stop asking over and over again for my own sanity but I knew full well that this would not be the case.

When we arrived at the office it was clear he was stressing out. Hands curling into fists, sweaty hands constantly being wiped on his legs. Getting up and down from his seat while still asking me the same questions about the tongue depressor “Are they going to use the stick?”

When we entered towards the patient room, he started on the nurse. Asking the same questions and stating his dislike about the entire process while she just tried to get his height and weight. 

Once in the room, he fought the nurse and wouldn’t allow her to swab his throat. Moving his face away or swatting her hand. Impossible and clearly frustrated, the nurse left the room hoping the doctor would have better luck. I can understand how frustrating it is for someone who is trying to do their job but I wish others would try to be more empathetic to his state. 

While we waited for the doctor it just added to his anxiety. As he sat there, he came up with alternatives “Maybe I can just stay sick.” Or “I’m feeling much better, let’s just go home.” His legs shaking, tears in his eyes “I just can’t take this anymore!” Panic now in the room. I remind him to breathe and recall his “Peace Out” podcast that sometimes helps him calm down and work through his anxiety. I passed him my phone to try and get him to find his calm.

Enters the doctor and “Anxiety” completely takes over. He bursts into tears and panic. His arms go into protective mode, swatting the doctors hands away. Enters “Fight or Flight”. The doctor works slowly and patiently with him, then comes N’s dreaded moment, the cotton swab. The doctor says “I’m not going to use the tongue depressor. Just this swab.” N interrupted him “it’s still a stick! WAIT! I don’t want a stick!” Moving his hand away.

Then I gently take his hands and tell him to take a breathe. I urge him to listen to the doctor who is only trying to help him. The doctor tilts his head back and asked him to open his mouth. A small struggle and done. Tears running down his face, N is upset but when he realizes it’s over I see his shoulders relax, he gains control of his breathing and anxiety slowly leaves the room. He returns to his usual happy self. 

All that build up anxiety, as the thought grew bigger and bigger in his head spiraling him out of control. He would get calm only to work himself up again. For me, it seemed so simple to get the throat culture. For him, it was as if someone was going to wound him. The mere thought of the taste of the tongue depressor was enough to send him into a frenzy, snowballing out of control. 

People often look at my son always surprised to later hear of his diagnosis of Autism. I often hear “He doesn’t look Autistic.” This frustrates me. What are they expecting? Should he be rocking in a corner somewhere staring into the void or spouting out random gibberish? What they don’t realize is that Autism presents differently for each child. For N, a huge part of it is Anxiety. He can become fixated on ideas, thoughts on how things are meant to be, the way things function until his fears become paralyzing. In this case it was how the tongue depressor made him feel. I know comments like this aren’t really judgements but ignorance on their part. They don’t know him, his diagnosis is not a star upon his chest and we don’t willingly promote it to everyone we meet. 

It is important to find healthcare providers who understand the function of Autism and it’s many ever changing variations. NEVER assume that because they are pediatricians that they fully understand the scope of Autism or any other disability. It’s important to discuss these things prior with doctors. Though the nurse didn’t handle this the way I would have preferred, thankfully, we have a pediatrician who is patient and educated enough in the matter to not rush the process. So glad we did go to doctors because it turns out that N did have Strep throat and had I given in to Mr. Anxiety and forgone the check up, it could potentially have gotten worse. 

Since we can’t change the world to adjust to him, I can only teach him how to adjust to the world. There will be days like this where any advice I give him doesn’t help. Where his tools fail him. Where anxiety is the driving force. We will have to just keep up the repetition, practice the situations with the hope that each time will get easier for him. 

How do you handle a nervous child? I would love to hear your experiences and what worked for you. Until next time...


We are blessed for sure!

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Check out day

  

It was our last day and we planned to make the best of it. The night before we told the kids the plan. As soon as we woke up we were to get in our beach where and head out to the beach for one hour followed by the pool for another hour. This would give us enough time to go back to room, wash up and clear out. Plan ago. We were up early, as usual, so we headed out to the beach as planned with the kids and sand buckets. 

Things were going well. The beach was fairly empty still and the kids were having great fun. E had seemed to learn to stay closer to the shore line after a wave toppled him over yesterday. He mostly played with the sand trying to build a mote. N was flopping around in the water still looking for shells, lava rocks and bits or coral. My daughter was in her glory playing with two little babies digging in the sand. Everything was calm and all appeared to be happy.

Then, without warning E took off down the beach. I called for him to turn back but he didn’t listen. He just kept running following the shore line, so at this point I now had to become an Olympic sprinter and start after him. Gosh, it is terribly difficult running in sand and my feet are torn up from all the broken seashells I stepped on during the chase. Finally, I grab him. Thankfully, he gets to close to the water and a wave hits him and slows him down. After I catch my breath, while still holding him, I ask him “Why did you run away?” He just looked at me and laughed “I was going on an adventure.” I began to tell him about the dangers of running into the ocean alone. That he doesn’t know how to swim and if something happened maybe we wouldn’t be able to help him. I asked him “what happens if you go in the water and you can’t swim? He replied “I would drown.”  So he gets it but why he doesn’t follow the rules is beyond me. My husband says he is fearless and it’s true but he is also wreck-less. Then again, he is only 6. We left the beach after this. I was done.

As I played in the pool with the kids, I thought about what could have set him off on his run. He doesn’t like the sand feeling, the birds were flying over, the crowd was starting to grow and there were more voices near by, the crashing of the waves, the wind was blowing and his sister was screeching.  That couldn’t of been it because he said he was “going on an adventure.” He may possibly have an ear infection again, those often make him unsettled. Or maybe he just felt like running. Though he is improving, E’s explications are never solid, so I may never know.

I see parents lounging back on beach chairs and their kids playing nice on the beach. Staying close or

Sprinting position

constantly checking in while their parents read or close their eyes. Their is a trust their and a level of comfort we do not have with our kids. I was able to do it with N and EM more this trip but E just kept me up on guard. Seeing this often makes me question the type of parent I am. Maybe I’m not as good as those parents. That I’m not doing something right. Then I brush away those negative thoughts and move on. I watched as he played in the sand. He was content but always looked like he was prepared to sprint off at any given moment. Which he did end up doing. It must be nice to sit back like that, enjoy the sounds of the beach and just be in a relaxed state. Those parents don’t realize how lucky they are to have those moments come easy. I long for that day. I believe it will come but with a great deal of hard work on our end. Well worth it if we can get him their.

There were a few outbursts in the car and likely from being locked down for so long. Despite some of the stresses of the trip, overall, we had a great trip. The kids were happy and we were happy to give them this experience. The more we expose them to things, the better their chances are of having a full and happy life that prepares them for the real world because the real world is rough.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Ask and you shall receive

Remember how a couple of posts back I was joking about needing to get away. Well, ask and you shall receive. My husband surprised me with an impromptu vacation. It’s really more like a trip because of the time constraints and because a vacation for me would be without the kids. 

Traveling with the kids is rough. First they never stop asking the famous “Are we there yet?” They NEVER go to the bathroom at the same time, and one wants the radio on while the other wants it off. It’s too cold, It’s too hot. I think you get it. My daughter loves to sing in a high pitch operatic voice that reminds me of the movie where Meryl Streep portrays a woman described as the worst opera singer of all time. Now, don’t get me wrong, when my daughter sings in her normal sweet voice, she sounds like an angel. Lately, I think she has been exploring pitch and she is way high, to the point of piercing. As I write this, she is testing out her sounds. Fun! Do we discourage this? No. I want her to sing even if she sometimes hits a sour note or two. It’s my reminder that she is happy and that my ears are functioning. 

Finally, we made it to Myrtle Beach but still had another 30 minutes to get our hotel. So we took the kids to to a great little park called Savannah’s Playground to burn off some energy. It had your typical playground equipment but other cool stuff. Most importantly it had a six foot fence around it. It’s probably one of the first parks I ever felt comfortable going to. It had some really cool slides and a zip line for the kids. The kids loved it. E was in his element. The park is known as a great sensory park for special needs kids but is open for all. And then...

We went to the hotel where E went nuts. The kids were already excited about being at the beach and that the hotel had its own water park. E was over-the-top. His enthusiasm could not be contained. He was opening and slamming draws and cabinet doors. Screaming with joy because the hotel room had it’s own spoons and toaster. So as we changed clothes for the water park, I began to realize that this could potentially go south fast but I wanted to be optimistic and have fun. My goal was to be calm mom and not get anxious. We were fine up until we walked on to the water park grounds. The minute he saw the giant slide his eyes opened wide as did mine but for very different reasons. He was thinking that thing is going to be amazing. My thoughts were more along the lines of this 20 foot slide is going to be the cause of my aneurysm. I chased up the later with him and tried to seem excited. When we reached the top I was still hopeful that the man would tell us your too short. Took the measurements and I wasn’t so lucky. E sits on the slide and pushes himself. Sitting up instead of laying flat on his back, he takes the first curve and nearly flips out of the tube. Then he is flipped backwards and I saw a glimmer of panic in his eye but he hits another turn, where he flips again and it turns him around, then splash. He loves it! Meanwhile I am a horrible anxious mess thinking that I could have lost him on that first curve. He didn’t care, he wanted to do it again.

So needless to say I am extremely stressed out at this point. I figure if we could just get him in the pool and keep him there, I might be able to salvage this trip. N keeps swimming over to me to check on me because he “Don’t like how your face looks right now Mama. I’m worried for you.” I try to reassure him, but I know he is right. Because what I was feeling was straight anxiety over lack of control. Truthfully, it was my lack of control over E. I could see the park was having its affects on him. When my husband held his hand to get his attention and remind him of the rules. His legs looked like they want to leave his body and walk away with out him. He was on sensory overload. I knew I needed to get him in a quiet place but he was also trying to have his best version of fun. It just involved him running in and out of pool or at some points, jumping into shallow pools including a jacuzzi. I was so done. I wanted to scream DONE and leave. Not an option, I still had the other two who were having fun. So I stuck with it with the hopes that eventually he would even out and he did.

We finally got to a place where we were all in the same place and wanted to stay there. From there I started to feel my chest relax and i was able to take control of my breathes again. Though the start was challenging, it ended on a high note. Not to say that anxiety isn't the captain of my ship, it is still in control. While he sleeps all I can think about is how to keep him from the balcony or oven, I might then be able to go to sleep.

Still a day and a half to go, so lets see what tomorrow brings. For now, we are all curled up, and i’m Doing my best to appreciate the good parts of the day.

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!

Mom needs a vacation

I know I am not alone when I tell you all that I am ready for the kids to go back to school. I have been doing more running around over the summer then the school year. Juggling from taking care of my kids to caring for my parents. I’m spent and ready for my vacation to start...the school year.

Fond memories of Mr. Softee

My kids seem to think that they deserve all these fun camps. My son told me in his whinniest voice, “I worked hard all school year and this is my reward.” I shared with him that when I was a kid, my reward for doing well in school was chasing after a Mr. Softee truck in 100 degree weather, buying a oh so cooling Ice Cream cone or a frozen rocket pop and enjoying it as it melted in my hand. I never attended one single camp as a kid and I turned out just fine. However, where we live, kids don’t play much outside over the summer, they all seem to go to camp. So despite my not wanting to join in with “the Jones’” I send my kids to camp.

Now exhausted and drained from all the running around, the playing kitchen, ghost mom and explaining things over and over again, I am reminded of a commercial from when I was a kid. This may show my age but do any of you remember this commercial... “Calgon, Take Me Away” It was a popular commercial in the late 70’s, early 80’s.

I can relate to the first ten seconds of this video as many parents can. Often I feel like I am in charge of everything and feel increasingly overwhelmed especially because my kids require a great deal of juggling during the school year. The summer is like a three ring circus. 

As a kid, I laughed at this silly commercial. I couldn’t relate at all and thought it was ridiculous that she thought a bath could fix her problems. That thought still holds true. However, these day, I do relate to the sense of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and how a calming bath could potentially help ease some of the stress. Watching it now, I still laugh because I’m like what was she complaining about?  She gets to take a long bath in that giant tub. I don’t even have time to fill my small tub before some little person comes knocking on the door or jumps in for themselves. 

As I write this, my youngest son is asking me to repair his toy hedgehog “He needs surgery!” And my daughter, is requesting that I change her splint for her broken finger. Yeah did I mention that she broke her finger over the summer on the exact same day she broke her collarbone last year. Yea! So “Calgon, take me away” but like really away, far away....please!!!

Clearly, I joke about it all because thats the only way to survive it most days. Laughing at myself is my coping skill. How do you manage when your kids are driving you a bit bonkers or to the end of your rope?  

Hope you all are fairing well this summer and looking forward to a pleasant start to a new school year, I know I am. 

We are blessed for sure.

With love and dedication anything is possible!